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How to Open A Door
by Jason DeShaw

I often find myself in crowded places.  Whether it be school or just around town, people are, in fact, everywhere.  And everywhere there are people, there are also dumb people.  Once again, I am here to inform, educate, and hopefully make a better world for all.

Another highly scientific diagram that I am famous for

Not a day goes by when I am not in the situation found above.  Let me elaborate.  The green dots are people, moving through a doorway in the direction shown.  The red people, including me, are at a stand still.  Why are they not moving you may ask?  They are waiting for the green dots to pass through so they can go through the door.  Why don't they just open the door in front of them?  It is simple.  I have come to the conclusion that after years and years of education focusing solely on trivial topics such as Math, Science, and English, people today have never learned how to actually open a door.  It is a sad state of our society indeed.  Fear not, for The Jason is here!

We'll start off with the basics.  A door is a means of getting between either two rooms, or from the inside to the outside of a building.  Not anything can be a door though!  Sometimes you may think that you have found a door, only to discover it is simply a wall with glass on it.  Then, there are those times you do find the door, only to be stuck behind it, unable to make it budge.  I know it can frustrating at first, but with a few simple tips, you too can open doors!

Let's narrow down where doors can be found.  Assuming you are inside, there are 6 surfaces around you, mainly 4 walls, the floor, and the ceiling.  Now, there are always exceptions, but for our purposes of learning the basics, a door will never be on the floor or the ceiling.  So that brings us to one of the 4 walls.  First, examine each wall carefully.  Do you see any clues that a door may be present?  Often doors have handles or knobs.  Some even have windows to look through!  Logically though, just because you see a window does not make it a door!  Be smart and be careful.

Once you have located a door, approach it slowly.  We are still coming to terms with how a door operates and you don't want to get hurt.  Look down at the door around waist height.  This is usually where the mechanism for operating the door is located.  Hopefully I will be able to teach you how to recognize and operate each mechanism properly.  Let's start with the most basic.

The Door Knob

The Door Knob may be very intimidating when you first set eyes on it.  How does it work?  Is this some sort of button?  Maybe it works like a pinball machine and I pull the knob to release a ball that, after a series of perfectly timed bounces, will release the door's locking device?  In reality, The Door Knob is quite simple.  Just grab a hold of the knob with your hand and turn!  More often than not, either direction you turn will work.  After you have turned the knob, pull the door without allowing the knob to return to its original position.  This will open the door and allow you to step through to your destination!

Now for a trickier case...

How does this one work?  Obviously there is nothing to turn, so maybe this is just a window?  Perhaps if you just stare at it long enough, it will open on it's own?  These things can be hard at times, but there is a solution.  The giant twisting blue rod on the door is actually a handle!  Just grab a hold (anywhere on the handle is fine) and pull!  That's right, no worrying about twisting or turning, just pulling.  See, at first it may have appeared complicated, but after some reasoning and deduction, we have now seen this is perhaps an easier case than a Door Knob!  Simply amazing!

Now here is where I must leave you.  I know, the world of doors is a scary one, but I cannot possibly teach you everything.  I can only teach the basics and the rest you must learn for yourself.  So go out, into the world, and practice.  Keep trying and never give up.  One day, many years from now, after much dedication, you too, maybe, will learn how to open a door.  You're welcome.