Issue #6

Anyone in the current comic book "scene" is probably knows of Wolverine: Origins.  As I am quite aware though, most people reading this are not up-to-date with the going-ons of the comic book industry, so let me catch you up to date.  At the conclusion of The House of M, Wolverine gained all of his life's memories.  You see, this was quite significant, as Wolverine's past was always a big unknown.  Out of this event spun a new ongoing series called Wolverine: Origins.  It's premise would be to follow Wolverine on special adventures relating to his past, revealing the mysteries along the way.

I had to say that I was interested and I'm always a sucker to hop on board a new series.  So, I tried it out.  First issue wasn't so great, but I figured I'd hold on.  Second issue... again, not terrible, but nothing good either.  Then the next issue was even worse, and then the one after that as well.  This trend continued for the next, well, all issues.  I came to the conclusion that this comic was indeed crap.  Even so, this comic is still selling quite well, even with the harsh criticism it has received.  Thus, my article.  How to create your own issue of Wolverine: Origins.  You see, you no longer have to buy any of the new issues, because with this simple template, you can create every Wolverine: Origins story!  Here we go!

Step 1 - The Cover:

First thing's first.  You got to get yourself a cover artist.  Well, you've got Joe Quesada, but really, that ain't enough.  Everyone knows in the comic book industry today that you need to have at least 2 (or 3, or 4) different covers for every issue for it to be worth while.  So go ahead, pick Joe Quesada and an artist of your choice.  In fact, it doesn't even have to be from this list.  Pick anybody, famous or not.  As long as it looks nothing like the interior art work I'd say you are good to go.

Step 2 - The Plot:

Alright, now let's construct ourselves a plot.  Pick a random character.  The more out of place the better (we want to keep with the spirit of the comic).  Pick someone closely related to Wolverine by means no one remembers or just pick someone who really has no reason to be in the comic (don't worry, we can make something up!).

That's right.  Take the character you selected, do a lot of research on their history and motivations, and then just throw that all out the window.  If this person is normally a strong leader, make that person cry like a baby and run away.  If they are a weakling, have them destroy the White House.  Basically, just make sure that this character does something that doesn't make any sense what so ever.

Alright, this is Wolverine: Origins right?  That means we need a flashback so we can learn something fun and interesting about Wolverine's past!  Pick one of the wonderful options from above so we can delve into the mystery that is Wolverine!  If you can relate it to overall story of the issue, don't.  That will probably just confuse people.

Yeah, just say something about this.  Don't know what it is?  Eh whatever, just say something.  It matters.

Alright, fight scene time!  For this you can pick just about anybody to have a fight with.  It can be the character you chose before or somebody new, just as long as its bloody.  A reason?  No, you don't need one.  Just make sure it happens.  Have both Wolverine and whoever he is facing get really beat up.  I'm talking bad.  I want to see guts!  For the conclusion, if Wolverine is fighting a friend, have Wolverine make a speech to resolve the conflict.  If he is fighting an enemy, have Wolverine pass out and let the villain escape.

Step 3 - The "Oh crap we only have 32 pages with ads we better wrap this up!":

Choose a cliffhanger to leave the audience coming back for more!  Have one of the characters abducted, or perhaps have another random character pop up for no reason.  Or better yet, make it a villain (if they are currently dead, bonus points!).  Or go way out into left field and reveal Wolverine has a son!  Boy, that would really "wow" them...  Just make sure that it makes as little sense as possible and is contradictory to as many past and present events as you can think of.

Step 4 - Repeat Steps 1-3 five times to create a story arc.

So there we have it, our own Wolverine: Origins comic book!  I would have to say that it is just as good, if not better than the actual comic.  It has all the wonderful story without all the crappy art.  How can you pass that up?!  Snikt!

Jaybird currently resides in Seattle where he reads comics, works in a library, and writes for this site.  He has also been known to blow your mind, rock your world, and eat pizza.