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Valentines Day Recap and other ramblings of a sleep deprived piece of shit
By: Alex Anderson

This article will be wildly incoherent, because I am tired as hell and preoccupied with the fact that I have a test in a few hours that I haven’t studied for.

First of all, in the spirit of a loving and romantic pseudo-holiday, a former NBA star in Tim Hardaway (one of my childhood favorites) had an extra special Valentine to hand out to the gay community (albeit stretched out on a 10-foot pole): 

Le Batard: How do you deal with a gay teammate?

Hardaway: ''First of all I wouldn't want him on my team. And second of all, if he was on my team, you know, I would really distance myself from him because, uh, I don't think that is right. I don't think that he should be in the locker room while we are in the locker room, and it's just a whole lot of other things and I wouldn't even be a part of that. But stuff like that is going on and there's a lot of other people I hear that are like that and still in the closet and don't want to come out of the closet, but you know I just leave that alone.''

Le Batard: What could you do? Would you ask for a trade?

Hardaway: ''Or I ask for him to get traded. Something has to give. And I think the majority of the players would ask for him to be traded or they would want to get traded. Or buy him out of his contract and just let him go. Something has to give. If you have 12 other ballplayers in your locker room that are upset and can't concentrate and always worried about him in the locker room or on the court or whatever it's going to be hard for your teammates to win and accept him as a teammate.''

Le Batard: What if the player was that great?

Hardaway: ''If he were that great something would still have to give. People would feel uncomfortable with that. If you're not gay, nobody in that locker room would feel comfortable with that person on your team.''

Le Batard: You know what you are saying there is flatly homophobic? It's bigotry?

Hardaway: ''Well, you know I hate gay people, so I let it be known. I don't like gay people and I don't like to be around gay people. I am homophobic. I don't like it. It shouldn't be in the world or in the United States. So yeah, I don't like it.''

My hatred for Dan Le Batard is subdued by the fact that he was quick to call Hardaway a bigot.  I could really go off on this one.  I mean, what a fucking moron.  What an embarrassment to the civilized world.  I happen to think that Tim Hardaways shouldn’t be allowed in the world or in the United States, so yeah, I don’t like him.  I’ll spare you the rest of my commentary on this douche, because this is one faggot that’s not worth the time.

BLATANT IRONY – BLATANT IRONY the crowds begin to scream!!!

Fuck off.  I can call anyone I want any of the following words: queer, queerbag, buttfuck, faggot, fudge packer, pansy, fairy, femme, or Nancy, under the following conditions:

·        the person is not actually a homosexual

·        there are no homosexuals present

Why is this okay?  I don’t know?  It just is.  The same reason it is okay to call your friend retarded when he does something stupid, as long as he isn’t an actual retard and there are no mentally handicapped people present.

Now why is it okay to write it on the internet when clearly a homosexual person could read it and be offended or a mentally handicapped person could… umm, have it read to him?  Once again, I don’t know it just is.  I don’t make the rules, I just relay them.  I’m an intermediary between the people who read my website and the maker of all rules (that person shall remain anonymous by his/her request.)

I know that I come off like Tim Hardaway here, but there is a big difference.  I don’t actually hate any of these groups of people, but as all individuals do on some level of consciousness, I search for patterns in the world to become familiar with my surroundings.  Thus arise stereotypes.  The power of stereotypes is deceptive.  They can be your best friend or that guy you think is your best friend until he acts all stupid at your birthday party and you have to beat the shit out of him and sit on his head to get him to shut up.  DUSTY!!!  Anyway, the point is, stereotypes help comedians make jokes and marketers sell shit and me be an asshole, but stereotypes in general are unwritten and are sometimes hard for people to embrace for a couple of reasons.  Sometimes the stereotypes are derogative and offensive in nature.  Furthermore the stereotype may not be true!  HUH?????  Yup, its true that many stereotypes are just over hyped patterns that hardly exist, if at all.

So, the conclusion, that I’ve decided to come to is this:  one can be a complete fucking ass to whoever they may choose, so long as they don’t actually believe the shit they’re feeding both themselves and the person or people being oppressed.  AHA!!!  What does a rant about stereotypes have to do with Tim Hardaway?  You're smart, you find the connection.  Keep looking, I'm sure its there somewhere.

Now, second of all.  Getting back to the V-day recap thingy.  I turned 21 years old today.  That means, that if I didn’t live in a stupid fucking country with stupid fucking laws, that three years ago to the day, I could have been drinking legally.  But it also means that in this stupid country with these stupid fucking laws, that I can now drink legally here as well.  Which is awesome, because someday, when I’m not working slash, I’m not at school slash, I’m not busy doing homework on the weekend slash, the majority of my friends turn 21 also slash, when I start using a slash instead of typing ‘slash,’ that I will be able to go to the bar and get shit faced slash hammered whenever I want.  Until then I remain 21 and sober, grr slash mean-face slash pirate noises.

That is the end of my recap.  I forgot the other stuff I was going to write.  However, I do have an awesome photo-shopped, wait.. I mean, completely real picture of a heart shaped candy that I found…

The blobs next to the candy heart are fingers.  I was to lazy to set the heart down when I took a picture of it.

364 more days until my next birthday!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! The countdown commences.