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The Evolution of Text Messaging
by Jason DeShaw

In 1992, the first text message, 'Merry Christmas' was sent.  Now, in 2007, text messaging is biggest thing since peanut butter and jelly.  How did we get here and where is text messaging going?  I imagine it went something like this...

It was 1989.  George H. W. Bush was President, Pete Rose was just banned from the Hall of Fame, and a simple man wanted to wish his family a Merry Christmas, but didn't want to actually talk to them.  How was this going to be accomplished in this day and age?  He was thinking of sending a letter, but would that even get there on time?  He could also send a singing telegram, but we all know how THOSE types can be.  Thus, as he was about to cave and give his family a call, he picked up his brick of a cell phone and an idea came to his mind.  "Could it be possible to type a message in this phone and send it to my family without even talking to them?!"  The answer was no, because who had those types of phones back then?

It wasn't until 1992 that some other people all together sent the first text message and unleashed hell upon the world.

Slowly but surely as cell phone use increased, more and more people opted to not use their cell phone and instead use text messaging.  By the turn of the millennium, 17 billion text messages were sent in 2000 alone and 500 billion by 2004 (Thanks Wikipedia!!11).  Using my general knowledge of text messengers in relation to zombified media-maniacs, I'd say the increase was due to the debut of American Idol and three little girls text messaging Clay Aiken's number 487 billion times.  Suckas he lost!  Rubben Studdard all da wayz!

Now, in 2007, we have the Text-Messaging Championship, which I believe is one of the signs of the apocalypse, right after the coming of the Four Horseman.  Here is a quote from the winner from an article on CNN.com I found, and it is really just too funny to make up...

"I am so shocked right now. I send over 4,000 texts every month and can't believe that I actually won the whole competition," said Pozgar in a statement. "Now I want to go shopping."

With the $25,000 prize, I'm sure she'll have enough shopping to last her a year month day.

We all know that this is only the beginning, and that the contest will continue and the prize money will go up.  Eventually, it will be one of the most sought after championship, rising above the NBA Championship, The World Series, and The Super Bowl.  We will have pro-text messenger leagues and teams by state, all for the glory of well, money.

Technology will also improve.  Eventually you won't even have to use your fingers, but you will be able to just talk into your phone and it will write out the text for you!  Hands-free texting is obviously the next step!

That won't be enough though, as people will complain that while you can text as fast as you can talk, you can't get your response quick enough!  You have to wait seconds upon seconds for the person you are texting to reply back.  Yet, this will also be fixed, with a the most revolutionary invention in the age of text messaging... Live Streaming Voice Texting!  I know it sounds incomprehensible, but one day you will be able to voice text live with the person you are texting!!  No more typing with your fingers and waiting for a response.  You will be able to talk directly into the phone and then hear the person respond to your voice text!!!  It will be heralded as the greatest invention since the telephone!

Until then, we will have to settle for just plain ol' text messaging.  It has a rich history and a bright future.  All hail text messaging!