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A Truly Native Nativity Scene
by Jason DeShaw

Working at a library, I see a lot of weird mail come our way.  Sometimes though, something stands out where I just have to stop and laugh.

I don't pretend to know a lot about the birth of Jesus, but I'm pretty sure it didn't happen like this

That's right folks, a nativity scene with NATIVE AMERICANS.  Because nothing says 'Christianity' like Native Americans.  Christianity, of course, has been a rich Native American tradition for longer then anyone could ever trace back... or no wait... only as long as they have been conquered by us.

The pamphlet boasts, "Real feathers adorn the hand-crafted, hand-painted illuminated Crèche," as opposed to those cheap knock-off feathers they are pumping out over at Chick Publications.  Those bastards.  But let's not give them too much credit, as they didn't put out the big bucks for real beads and instead have, "Faux beadwork and motifs and symbols in the art style of the Native American."  We can only give Native Americans real beads in return for acres upon acres of land.

But upon closer inspection, this nativity scene, much like everything else we have done for the Native Americans, is a scam.  Because you see, this is "a collection to cherish" with the keyword there being 'collection'.  It continues, "After the Holy Family, charter subscribers can enhance their collection with more exquisite sculptures, sent about every other month.  Your second issue will be the illuminated Crèche."  Ok, so wait a second here.  You don't even get the Crèche right away but have to wait two months!?  What a jip!

So how much is this glorious piece of art?  Well, it doesn't actually say, but since I acquired the level of Gumshoe in the game "Where in the World is Carmen San Diego" I did some further searching and discovered the price on their website.  Only $49.95 each!  So, that averages out to $25 a month for this wonderful collection.  What a deal!  If that isn't enough, with your second set you will receive two free lambs!  This is probably the greatest thing since Jesus.

Please... please.  Just stop.  Haven't we already done enough to these people?  Let's stop bastardizing them already.  Now, can we all just get back to pretending that it was white Northern Europeans at the birth of Christ?  Thank you.