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The Chronicles of Coho Real Estate (Part 1)
by Jason DeShaw

Introduction

The following stories are based on my dealings with the entity known as Coho Real Estate.  I've tried to make them as accurate as possible, referring to emails/letters/testimony/other documents that I've saved.  All grammatical errors from direct quotes are included.  All other quotes come from the best of my memory.  Before we begin though, let me give you some background information.

Coho Real Estate is a large organization in the Greater Seattle area owning a multitude of apartment buildings, many of which are in the area I currently live.  They naively provide "The Lowest Price Guaranteed!"  For poor college students like myself, this can be quite alluring.  Most of the places in this area are lousy as it is, so you might as well go for the cheapest.  And that was the logic I used when I first moved into a Coho building, specifically, Dry Creek Apartments.  I was looking to move into a one-bedroom and wanted to find a deal.  I needed a place for the summer and the year following it.  Responding to Coho's ad, they offered me a great deal.  They didn't have any one-bedrooms for the summer, but they could give me a two-bedroom for super cheap, plus a free month of rent off the one-bedroom.  Basically, it was too good to be true (see: Foreshadowing).

And this my friends is where my epic tale shall begin.  I give to you, The Chronicles of Coho Real Estate.

The Incompetent Resident Manager

I speak with the Dry Creek manager on the phone (he lets me know about the deal) and I let him know I can swing by right away.  The new place is actually on the same block that I currently live, so it only takes me a few minutes to get there.  I get there and buzz his apartment.  No answer.  I buzz again.  I look around.  I call the manager again while standing outside the building and he doesn't answer the phone.  I'm not sure what to do or think, so I just walk back home.

About fifteen minutes later I get a call, from the manager.  He was wondering who just called him from this number.  I tell him who I am and that I just came by and he wasn't there.  Apparently he just forgot that we agreed to meet five minutes ago and went to show some other people around.  A little annoyed, I tell him I'll just walk back over.

I arrive, again, and the manager is actually there.  Upon meeting him, its plain to see that he is one of those people completely oblivious to their surroundings.  Perhaps a stoner, perhaps just super laid back, either way, you know what type of person I'm talking about.

We head upstairs to take a look at the one-bedroom.  The lay-out leaves much to be desired, but this isn't the actual room I would get.  We can't see that room, because the tenant won't let us in.  Good to see the manager wields authority...  The room I'm looking at pretty much just has a kitchen for a wall, a "living room" for the other, and at the end of what seems like a hall is the bedroom.  You can tell it's a bedroom because they built a wall separating the rooms.  I ask what my room will be like, and he tells me that the kitchen is laid out differently, that it's in the corner or something.  I figure that even though it's a little small, it is just for me, and if the kitchen is different, all the better.

I ask about utilities and I find out that I'd have to pay for water/sewage/garbage (which is one bill).  I'm not sure how it works for other places, but for U-District apartments in Seattle, normally this is paid for (leaving only electricity and whatever else you buy (cable/internet/etc.)).  This too is kind of a bummer, but for some reason I still want this place, pretty much because I'm getting such a great deal.  Believe me, there are worse places out there. I've seen some dumps and compared to those, this place ain't so bad.

Side Note: By not paying for water/sewer/garbage, Coho is able to have the "Lowest Price Guaranteed!" even though I still have no idea how they calculate or enforce that standard by any means.  For example, is it price per square foot or per bedroom or what?  Either way I swear they are liars, but that is purely speculation.

So I pick up an application and we set a time to meet again.  Time passes...

However much time later and I am back.  Once again I must completely reintroduce myself and explain that he showed me around.  After a little bit of recap he finally remembers who I am again and opens with, "Yeah... so... Um... you never gave me a security deposit so I wasn't able to actually hold the place... umm... yeah..."  Ok, two things here.  One, he never asked for a security deposit.  If he asked for any type of money I would have, you know, given it too him.  And two, I don't even know why he brought it up, because I ask, "Oh... so is it taken now?" and it isn't.  So I don't even understand the point of raising this issue if I could just give it to him now, but whatever.  Thus begins the arduous task of filling out a lease.

What happens over the next hour or so is him trying to figure out how this is all going to work.  I'm getting a special deal and I'll be switching from a two-bedroom to a one-bedroom after the summer ends.  I sit and wait, for way way too long, as he tries to calculate how much I'm paying per month (with a calculator I might add) while I sit and read over the lease.  A few voided checks and three leases later, I've finally got a place to live.

With my future secured, I bid the manager farewell.  To be fair, he did seem like a nice guy, but perhaps not someone you want running a building.  Either way, he insures me he'll be around for at least the next year, so I'll see him in a few months when I move in.

Before I go any further, let me just say a few things.  I should have realized this was a bad situation.  This manager had no clue what was going on, the place wasn't that nice, I have yet to see the actual apartment I was moving into, and it was a grueling task just to fill out a lease.  Really, the only thing I had on my side was that it was cheap.  Yet, for some reason, I was OK with all of this.  Looking back, I wonder what I was thinking.  I wanted my own place and was willing to take pretty much anything coming my way.  Live and learn I suppose.

Moving In

A few months later I move into my temporary two-bedroom apartment for the summer.  This is the first time I saw the place and it was actually fairly large.  Sure, one of the bedrooms didn't have a closet and also had "French doors" for a wall (French doors make them sound classy, but they weren't.  It was more like just two crappy wood doors), but that didn't matter to me.

My manager doesn't have time to do a walk through with me, so we have to do it later.  'Later' ends up being a week and a half later.  Why I even tried to get a walkthrough I don't even know, because its not really my responsibility, but eventually we got one.  I ask about holes in the walls and he tells me he just uses toothpaste to fill them in.  Good to know.  If you're going to have a laid back manager, this is the way to go.

A few days later I get a note on my door.  It's from a new manager introducing himself... so much for that guy being around for the next year.  According to the note, things haven't been getting done around the apartment so he's going to straighten things out.  This means laid back guy was fired and hard-ass guy hired.  Hoorah?

The next day I get a note on my door saying I owe $7 and some cents (apparently my old manager calculated the first months rent wrong).  It's only seven dollars, but still, annoying that I have to pay it.

The rest of the summer goes by pretty uneventfully.  It is not until I move into my actual one-bedroom that all hell breaks loose.

Moving In Part Two

There is some confusion as to when I'll actually get to move into my new apartment.  With the whole moving upstairs in the same building thing and two leases, I really needed to know when I could move in.  At this point I was working two jobs so I would definitely need some time off to do this.  After five or six emails back and forth with the manager, I learn that I'll be able to move up starting at 10am on Friday.  Here are some direct quotes from the emails:

"You can move in as soon as they are done which should be about 10:00. Again, you won't be charged extra for being in 16 on the first. I will come and let you know when they finish on the morning of the 1st."

Next email:

"I will plan on doing a dual move in move out with you on Friday morning at 10:00."

Excellent.  I take the day off Friday and I'm all set.

It's Thursday afternoon around 3pm and I just got home from my first job.  I have to eat dinner soon and head to my next job.  I get a knock on my door.  It's the manager.  He's unlocked the door for my new apartment and says I can start moving in.  Well, that's all well and good, but I only have about a few hours max before I have to leave for work.  I wasn't really, you know, ready to start moving yet being as it's the day before, but whatever.  But then he drops another bombshell.  I need to be done by noon tomorrow, because that is when he told the other people they can move into my place.  YAY!

I spend the next few hours hauling whatever I can up and down flights of stairs before work.  I can't do any of this after work (which would be at 11pm) because I don't actually have the keys for my new place.  I get those when I return my current ones.  So the door will be locked again later and leaving me to do as much as I can before work.  I'd have to say the best feeling is getting to work already feeling exhausted.  I mean, what's better than working all day, coming home, unexpectedly moving for a few hours, then working some more?  I don't know, but it probably ranks somewhere between getting punched in the gut and kicked in the face.  It's OK though, because I took Friday off!  Woo!

The New Place

What I didn't mention was what I discovered when I first saw what would be my new home for the next year.  Apparently, it was exactly like the apartment that I originally saw (the one I didn't really like) except reversed.  Thanks old apartment manager!  Oh well, I'll live with it (I have too).

While I was moving in Thursday afternoon, I was able to get a walkthrough of my new place.  Here are some key things.  I had no blinds.  My kitchen light didn't work properly (it just flickered).  There was a bunch of weird paint marks on the walls, obviously attempted to be painted over, but to no avail.  There was a hole in my front closet door.  A BIG hole.  And finally there was one thing I didn't notice until after the walkthrough.  While taking my first poop, I nearly fell over sitting down because the toilet wasn't secured to the floor.  THE TOILET WASN'T SECURED TO THE FLOOR.  Anyways, I let my manager know about all of these things and awaited maintenance to come by shortly.

Friday morning finally comes around and I'm exhausted, but at least I've got some more help moving.  Somehow, someway, we get everything into my new apartment before noon.  I have to admit, it looked pretty ridiculous.  I guess I got used to living in a two-bedroom like space, because my new place looked more like a storage closet then a one-bedroom.  Not to mention I was living with my girlfriend during the summer and all of her stuff was stuffed in there as well.  So we have all of my stuff, my girlfriend's stuff, me, my girlfriend, my parents, and my sister all stuffed into this little space.  It was nearly impossible to walk around, let alone try to set up furniture.  This is when I first realized that this apartment doesn't have good ventilation.  Basically, the apartment is like a long hallway with a window at the end.  No air circulation.  My sister almost passes out.  We're dying in there.

I Want My Keys!

Did I mention I still didn't have the keys to this place yet?  The manager comes up with all of us in there, and I give him the keys to my old place and he lets me know I need to pay him for the first month's rent.  I let him know I don't have my keys yet.  He is busy and leaves, so I write my rent check and get it ready.  He comes back looking for the check.  I give it to him and ask for my keys.  He says something along the lines of, "Oh I didn't give those to you yet?"  No.  He leaves for awhile and we continue to try to organize my place.  About thirty minutes later the manager comes back.  "Finally!" I think to myself.  He asks, "Wait so, did I get that rent check from you?"  I remind him that yes, I did in fact give him the money.  I ask if he has my keys and once again he is astounded that he has yet to give them to me.  He leaves again.  About a half an hour later, he finally comes back and gives me the keys.  I am now able to lock my apartment AND get back in!  Simply amazing.

The Note From 9/12

It's been nearly two weeks now since I've moved into my new place and nothing has been fixed.  I come home to find a note on my door:

Dear Jason,

Due to the unusual way your lease was set up there is an adjustment to be made to your deposit.  Regularly you would have paid two deposits, one for each lease.  Since this wasn't the way it is set up there is a balance due from your lease on #16.  To keep your deposit amount at $350 you owe the following:

Carpet Cleaning: $50
Water/Sewage/Garbage Bill: $31.75
Replacement of Drip Pans: $10
Improper Disposal Fee (Mixed Garbage and Recycling, including mail with your name on it, on the ground in front of bin): $50
 

The anger I get from reading this: priceless.  Alright, let's do a step by step break down of this letter.

First off, my old manager was obviously an idiot, we all know that, but apparently everything he told me was a lie.  Sure, not seeing the actual apartment I was moving into and relying on the manager's word was a mistake on my part, but this just sucks.  I was told that the security deposit would be $300 for the two-bedroom, then $200 for the one-bedroom, plus $50 on each for the carpet cleaning.  Instead, I am apparently stuck with a flat out $350 security deposit for both of my places.

Then I am stuck with a carpet cleaning fee, which I wasn't expecting (because I paid $350 assuming $50 was for the carpet), so that sucks.  Really, I just wish I didn't have to pay for a BS thing like carpet cleaning, because the carpets never actually get clean and I could care less if they were.

Water/Sewage/Garbage also makes sense I suppose, but once again, this bill is Coho's scam on how they can have cheap places.  Also, why this wasn't just mailed to me, I don't know.

Replacement of drip pans... come on folks.  I can see if I took the pans out and played Frisbee with them, then went at them with a hammer.  Maybe then they would need to be replaced.  But them just being dripped on makes them need replacement?  They are DRIP PANS.  So I tell the manager that I'll pay it, but I want brand new drip pans for my new place as well, since I didn't get any (also of note, I never got new ones when I moved into my original two-bedroom, so this is a scam).

Finally, improper disposal fee.  Yeah, guess what, I did it.  Even knowing about the possible fine, I did it.  I put the bag of recycling next to the recycling dumpster.  Why?  Because it was physically impossible to fit it into the dumpster because it was overflowing with everyone else's trash.  You know, because PEOPLE WERE MOVING.  So, instead of having trash build up in my place, I put it by the dumpster.  Apparently this is against the rules and for some reason costs me $50 (note: recycling is provided for free by the City of Seattle).  My manager claims I mixed garbage and recycling, which if anyone knows my girlfriend (who I was living with at the time of the move) knows this isn't possible.  And all of this was "discovered" by my manager digging through my garbage (which I'm pretty sure is a federal crime).  Maybe this is just a sign that the building has an inadequate amount of dumpsters.  No, that couldn't be it.

I write my manager an email telling him all of this and remind him that while he is handing out fines and fees to me, NOTHING HAS YET TO BE FIXED in my apartment.  I also ask for a copy of my lease (because why don't I have this already?) and all other documents I ever signed.  His only real response is telling me that the old manager pretty much ignored policy when creating my lease and I got screwed.  Thanks.  Oh, and the only thing I ever got was a copy of my earlier, expired, lease (even after asking again).

Continued Maintenance Problems and The Toilet Story

Weeks pass and nothing gets fixed.  I've sent emails and the most I've gotten back, seriously, is, "Maintenance will be in as soon as they can."  Eventually, after three full weeks of living in my new place, I see maintenance for the first time.  And they have blinds!  Hoorah, I can now take down my sheet that I nailed to the window so I could change in my own apartment!  The maintenance guy opens up the box, takes out and unwraps the brand new blinds, throws everything on the ground, installs the blinds, and leaves.  Yay!  New blinds and new garbage!  Wait, what?  Seriously, he comes in, and just throws all the garbage (box, plastic, miscellaneous blind parts) on my floor and leaves.  Nothing else gets fixed.

I'm getting pretty tired of all of this, so I write a handwritten note clearly stating that things need to get done.  While the kitchen lights are important, I specifically point out THE TOILET NEEDS TO BE BOLTED TO THE FLOOR.  I even go so far as to say it could easily fall over and, being I'm on the top floor, flood the whole building.

Hey well, what do you know, after feeling like I threatened the guy, maintenance is back!  He comes in, takes a look at the toilet, and indeed it needs to be completely resealed to the floor.  He going to get some supplies and he'll be back tomorrow to fix it.

Part 2 >>