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Brett "My Last Name is Spelled Stupid" Favre is a Fucking Pussy
by Alex Anderson

I'm sick of all these bastards trying to tell me that Brett Favre isn't a pussy.  Brett Favre is a pathetic drugged up piece of cock.  Oh one may think he's not a woman, because of his touchdowns, 4000-yard seasons, and MVP's (consecutive ones, nonetheless).  But I'm not arguing that he's not a good player, hell - great player.  I passionately hate this guy, but I respect him - how could I not?  Year after year he resurrects a shitty wide-out and makes him one of the leagues elite - or what looks to be one of the elite.  These hoe bags never fail to become the over-paid, big-headed, reject of a receivers' squad when going to a Favre-less team.  So how could I possibly think that this warrior is a pussy?

Well, how does being good make you a warrior?  Because he's played through countless injuries?  Those injuries weren't devastating, if they were, he wouldn't have played.  These are injuries that any star quarterback plays through, not because they're warriors, but because an injured Brett Favre is better than a healthy Doug Pederson.  I'll always get a kick out of buttfucks like Chris Berman and John Madden, who prattle off about how Brett Favre is such a warrior, ...he'd play in a wheelchair if he had to... What kind of statement is that.  Yeah, sure, granted they're exaggerating, (well maybe Berman wasn't, cause he's just stupid) this is retarded, because he wouldn't.  If and when Brett Favre's head gets knocked off, he won't continue playing.  There's no doubt in my mind that a sprained ankle, and a jammed finger won't stop him from playing, but these are a far cry from major football injuries.

You know why he really plays through all the injuries though?  Because he loves the game so much.  BULLSHIT!  If he didn't play through those injuries, one would hope that he get booed out of the stadium.  When you're the best quarterback for the team, and you decide to play through a girl injury, it's not heroic, warrior-like, or 'love of the game', it's expected.

Anyway, I hope that I've done away with the "iron man" argument, because I will now move onto the, "how my opinion was formed" section of this article.  It all started back in junior high.  Randall Cunningham, the coolest quarterback of all time, reached the one-spot on the quarterback depth chart.  I would watch him play, and I'd watch him not run out of bounds to avoid a hit, and I'd watch him not slide into oncoming tacklers.  I loved every minute of it.  Why weren't people raving about him being a warrior?  This guy fought for every last yard.  I never saw Favre doing this.  He'd always tiptoe his pansy ass out of bounds, or slide into a fierce linebacker rather than taking him head on.  I was appalled.  Not that he was doing this (because almost all quarterbacks do), but that he was getting so much credit for being a fighter, when he really did nothing to deserve such a title.  My hypothesis that 'Favre was not a warrior' had been formed.  But I would not yet observe the clinching test results.

It wasn't until the day I've now identified as September 26, 1999 that I would become completely convinced that Brett Favre was indeed a pussy.  Trailing 20 to 16 late in the fourth quarter to the Minnesota Vikings, Brett Favre began a drive for the ages.  He rallied the troops, and drove down the field - making it look easy, he tossed a 23-yarder to Corey Bradford to put them ahead 22 to 20.  An extra-point later, and all the heart-broken Vikings were essentially done.  Chalk it up, another game-winning touchdown drive for your warrior Brett Favre.  Oh wait, wait wait, what's this...?

Your warrior is laying on the bench breathing only with the aid of an oxygen machine.  AN OXYGEN MACHINE!  What the hell?  How is that warrior like, it's pussy like.  It's sad and pathetic and I'll hate him forever because of it.  Brett Favre is a fucking fraud.  I will never be convinced that he had momentary asthma which lead him to using that fucking thing.  He therefore used it, to look like a warrior.  He posed, he tried to look exhausted, he stood in the pocket and effortlessly tore apart a Vikings' defense completely void of good players (perhaps the one point that can't be argued).  He couldn't have possibly been out of gas. 

So that is why I think Brett Favre is a pussy.  I don't think he sucks, and I do think he's one of the better quarterbacks of all time.  I just feel he's getting credit where it's not deserved.

Long live the real warrior of the NFL, Randall Cunningham!

What A Pimp