Corporate Spelling

by Brady Lewis

Corporate Spelling has been going on for some time now. You all should understand what I'm talking about. Corporate Spelling is when the name of a product is misspelled in order to make it seem cool. Need an example? One that comes to mind instantly would be the Burger King X-Treme Whopper.

Yeah, that just pisses me off. Look at it. X-Treme. X-Treme. Jesus Christ in Heaven, who the fuck thinks that is cool? Maybe like the first two times it was used. At this point it is almost cliché. Or rather, a bad cliché.

Now, see, the problem is that now-a-days, everything is X-Treme. X-Treme Bacon Cheese Burger. X-Treme Sports. X-Treme Cuddly Teddy Bear. My God, just shut your fucking mouths and get a new goddamn word, you corporate bastards. Do you understand?! Its bad enough that you must use the word extreme on everything.

That's another thing that pisses me off. When everything that you fuckers sell is extreme you degrade the use of the word for when it actually describes something that is legitimately EXTREME. Best example: Extreme Championship Wrestling, or ECW. Now that was extreme. For those of you who know what ECW is, you understand. For those that do not know professional wrestling, no explanation would satisfy you. But, I say it was deserving of that title, extreme, so therefore it is true. You don't think so? Well, up your nose with a rubber hose, dipshit.

Back to the original subject. Even the world of professional wrestling has pissed me off by misusing extreme. Case in point: XFL, or the X-Treme Football League. McMahon deserved to have the XFL shut down after one season for that unforgivable sin.

And this is not just limited to the use of X-Treme either. The world is going to hell in a hand basket because of all of this crap. The use of typing shortcuts is being used now as well. You know, using 4 for the word for. Yes, I know that has been going on for some time, but that still pisses the shit out of me. Use of Gr8 instead of Great is another one. Look kids, were rebels just like you, we hate grammar. No, you just look stupid. If I were to have a business and I used these things in my product names or in the advertising, Id blow up my building with myself in it. If any of my people suggested it, they would be fired. I would then have the Mafia make them sleep with the fishes. Then I would shoot them. I would then proceed to sell drugs to their children. But all of that is another story altogether.

I am sorry if this seems shorter than previous articles. Do not think this is because of a lack of hatred for Corporate Spelling. Think of it more like I have very little time to vent like this lately. So, in conclusion, I have one final statement to make directed at those corporate fuckers who use this ungodly Spelling: Until you bastards all stand in a circle on All Hallows Eve, chanting from the forbidden lore of the Necronomicon, draining the blood of your first born child into a sparkling cauldron from which you shall summon forth the Unspeakable One from his icy prison in Hell to devour all that is good in this world and the life beyond, nothing you do is extreme.
 

Back to PsychoNoble Articles

    Back to PsychoNoble Home