Fucking Stoners (The Marijuana Debate)
by Alex Anderson

Introduction:

So I was debating the idea of legalizing marijuana in my head the other day.  When I came to the conclusion that it should be legalized.  I wondered about the arguments on both sides of the debate though, and decided to search the internet on the hot topic.  What I would find was surprising, but perhaps it shouldn't have been.  I learned that marijuana should indeed be legalized, but that it never will.  This is because the only people who care enough to legalize marijuana, are the people are who are so damn stoned they cannot seem to put together a single fucking coherent argument for why it should be legalized.

Throughout my internet search I found the most retarded statements and arguments imaginable.  I found myself scoffing at how pathetic these people are.  I said to myself numerous times those three magic words: "What the fuck?"  And while I hate to pick on these stoners, no wait - never mind, I love picking on these stupid stoners.  Anyways... I found one site particularly entertaining, this was the Garry Miller Says Legalize, page.  He notes on his page that marijuana should most definitely be legalized, because "There would be less crime in the world because when you are high you are alot mellow."  Apparently when high, you are also more apt to leave words like, "more" out of your sentences.  His next point really can't even be called a point, because it's the dumbest thing I've ever heard.  Brace yourselves....  "There would be less people in jail so that our taxes would not go to go to our fellow pot smokers in jail that should be out here."  I think almost everyone can agree there Garry, you fucking dolt.  He goes on to talk about how it could bring money to the economy, and how the government could grow it on government farms to get tax money.  Wow, the next Adam Smith is among us.  He also claims that it is non-addictive, and that there are no long term effects.  This seems to directly contradict the fact that he claims he has "had it for every day for about the last ten years" and that he also says it makes a person, "alot mellow," but then, I guess being alot mellow wouldn't really be an effect would it?  I could easily spit out five more sentences with probably three more quotes from this dill hole, but I think I've made it clear that he doesn't deserve the time.  If you are ever about to kill yourself, and want a laugh right before you die, click here, for the site that contains his prophetic and divine views.  What a faggot.

I found so many sites like Garry's, that it's actually quite sad.  Countless sites talk about the economic reasons - which to me is just stupid.  Sure, I agree that it would help the economy, but lets say, as a hypothetical, that it wouldn't help the economy and that it would instead damage the economy.  Then should it be said that marijuana shouldn't be legalized?  Fuck no.  It shouldn't matter if something is helping the economy or not, this is supposed to be a free country regardless, not only if it's something that helps the economy.  This is a stupid ass reason for legalizing marijuana.  If I were in the Senate and some fuck head told me this is why I should legalize marijuana, I would vote against it as many times as possible, just to spite that moron.  Another preppy argument is that too many people are in jail because of smoking marijuana.  Well, no shit.  Even as the pro-marijuana person that I am, I would have to say that these people deserve to be in jail.  My Lord, it is against the law.  No wait, my bad, I think that is a good point - in fact, there are lot of people in jail for murdering people too.  This is a waste of government funds, why don't we just release these people; it's brilliant, less money to spend on their asses in jail plus the benefits of more people to pay taxes!  WOW!  SUPER!  Hell, lets just abolish prison systems all together!  For shit sakes.  Finally, medical reasons.  Now, I really don't have a problem with people that actually want marijuana as a medicine, but I just keep on reading stuff from 16 year olds, about how medical marijuana is the greatest thing since Slinky!  What the hell, get a real argument you moronic pieces of cunt.  Ugh.

The only valid argument I could find on the internet was the morality one, and I must say, I didn't see it enough.  I saw a plethora of useless online petitions though!  Way to spur your cause you jerk offs.  I hope you enjoyed your blunt, as you typed your name onto message board petition that no government official cares about.  Whatever.  Here is why marijuana should be legalized...

Article:

"A wise and frugal government, which shall restrain men from injuring one another; shall leave them otherwise free to regulate their own pursuits of industry and improvement."  Well put, Thomas Jefferson.  I'm not sure if Thomas Jefferson would be an advocate of the legalization of marijuana in our society today (even though it is a little known fact that he himself was a large marijuana farmer), but nonetheless, his quotation seems to fit my thinking nearly verbatim.  I think that the only really good argument for the legalization of marijuana, is the philosophical notion that one should be free to do whatever one wants, so long as it not disrupt the life of another.

*

I would like to take that last, underlined statement, as my own, and call it the Justice Theory.  For reasons of simplicity, throughout the remainder of this writing, I will refer to that idea, as the Justice Theory.

*

Obviously this is only philosophical theory, and a law that states such, could never be implanted into any current government system that I can think of, let alone the sue-happy United States'.  The Justice Theory, does however, remain important to my argument for the legalization of marijuana.  That is because, according to the theory, one is free to begin with, and should not need any reasoning or rationalizing to be free.  Therefore the question is not, "Why should marijuana be legalized?", but instead, "Why shouldn't marijuana be legalized?"

The most obvious of answers to this question will include some stone hard facts.

Source: http://www.drug-statistics.com/

The first two points are closely related, and deal with the fact that smoking marijuana could directly lead to the harm of another individual.  The solution to this is rather obvious, that is, form laws prohibiting people from operating motor vehicles, machinery, etc. under the influence of marijuana.  The third point can be handled the same way it is with cigarettes - that is, surgeon general warnings and awareness campaigns.  However, even that, according to the Justice Theory, is not needed. because when a person smokes marijuana and thereby damages their body, it is not the concern of anyone but themselves.  A common counterpoint to that argument, is that second hand smoke can damage the body of another.  This, I believe, should be solved by making it legal to smoke marijuana only in the privacy of a person's home or certain designated areas.

Conclusion:

So there you have it.  That is my idea for the legalization of marijuana.  It can also be my idea for legalization of many other currently illegal substances, such as cocaine, methamphetamine, or whatever.  Just fill in the blanks with the whatever illegal substance you choose and voila, you have yourself the perfect argument.  This argument never fails, because every aspect of it is completely undeniably true.  It is absolutely impossible to dispute any section of this article.  I win.

Shut up.  Oh yeah, stoners are dumb.

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