Matt's Insights
by Matt Brooks

Insight One

What am I?  I always wonder what category I fit in.  Am I a nerd, a prep, a loser, an Irish setter?  I've also wondered how to classify each of these different groups of people.  Do nerds always wear glasses?  Are losers always alone?  I realized that all of this is pointless and that these sorts of labels are the greatest reasons why so many people have such low self-confidence.  When we as people set up individual labels for every possible aspect of life we begin to create the fear, anxiety, and self-consciousness of the youth today.  I realized this too while I was walking my dog. (*Note* here comes a confusing explanation of what I'm talking about so try and follow what I'm saying.) When I tell someone that because they enjoy mostly blue colored shirts they are a Blueberry and everyone else who shares the same affinity for blue colored shirts are also Blueberries I have successfully labeled a person as well as a group of people.  Now lets take this a step further and say being a Blueberry is now commonplace in America.  Lots and lots of people love blue shirts, but wait, a few Blueberries also like red shirts just as much!  Well then they can't be a Blueberry right?  So then they become Dingleberries.  And this pattern continues, some Dingleberries also like white, so they become Rainbows, some Rainbows like white and blue but don't like red so they become Santa's and so on and so on.  Basically what I'm trying to say is when people are labeled and put into a group it can cause a lot of anxiety because people really want to be recognized as something.  And this is when problems occur, for instance: There are some Blueberries who hate Dingleberries and guess what the hateful Blueberries are really nice to you because you're a Blueberry too.  So then you are forced to make choices, do I stay true to the Blueberries, or do I become a DingleBerry?  The best choice is of course to say fuck you to both groups, but most people are pussies.  Sorry about the confusing explanation, punker 4 life. End.

 Insight Two

Hello my future girlfriend.  So as you all may know I have an understanding of life that is far deeper than yours, I know your jealous so here's the sitch.  The other day while walking my dog I was having some deep thoughts, because I'm smart (please don't tell me otherwise).  I came to realized that the two most prized attributes of any human being are your body and your mind, and what everyone human strives for is perfection in one if not both of those two things.  But the interesting thing that I came to realize is that because of the properties of infinity and all that stuff, there will eventually be a person who is perfect in both body and mind.  Lets call this person Jesus.  Jesus is a perfect human (Well perfect being lets say, because he was like the Son of God and who knows what God is.  Well other than horny for virgins.), he is also the product of a great circle I call life.  On this circle of life there are an infinite number of me's and you's and that cute little outfit I saw you in (insert perverted whistling noise followed by a grab/rub of my own genitalia).  Along with the infinite me's and you's there are also infinite Jesus's.  Yes the "second coming" will happen but this time the guys name might be Carl or Duchess to be fair to the ladies.  All in all I'm saying that Jesus is inevitability just like everything, you reading this is bound to happen again, just maybe not until Earth starts over and reaches this exact point in time. End.

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