Beauty and the Geek
by Brady Lewis

As many of you know, I am not a fan of what most people call "Reality TV."   "Reality TV" is just a game show, while actual reality TV is stuff like American Choppers, Deadliest Catch, and the like.  However, this is another article for another time.  This article is about a new "Reality TV" show that is perhaps the most bullshit thing ever.

I would have never heard of "Beauty and the Geek" if practically every woman in my family wasn’t watching it religiously (and trust me, my life would be better off not knowing about it).  I would catch a few minutes of this show whenever they would watch it, and let me tell you, that was more than enough for me. 

Let’s start by analyzing the "geeks" presented on this show.  Now, I will grant the makers of this show that these guys do fall into the official definition of geek, that being "A person who is single-minded or accomplished in scientific or technical pursuits but is felt to be socially inept."  (Unfortunately, they do not fall under the other definition, "A carnival performer whose show consists of bizarre acts, such as biting the head off a live chicken," which I think would make the show infinitely more enjoyable.)  So these guys are smart but with little to no social skills.  Ok, fine.  I’ll accept that.  However, they went out and (with the exception of one or two) got some of the most attractive geeks they could get. 

Seriously.  One of them lifts weights, and one of them practices martial arts. The others (again, leaving out one or two) have absolutely NO REASON TO BE SOCIALLY INEPT.  They are not ugly.  Far from it.  In fact, they have jobs that seem to pay a decent amount of money, which I heard women find attractive.  In addition, two of them PLAY THE GUITAR, which is something most people do to get women. 

What I want to know is, where are the guys that look like me?  I realize that may sound like a slam to me, or me feeling sorry for myself, but I seriously want to know.  I’m not the most social of people, and I know many people like me.  Where are the guys who are 150 lbs overweight, glasses as thick as your finger, living in their parent’s basement?  Where are these guys?  They represent the majority of geeks in this world, or at least a good enough portion to deserve to be represented on this godforsaken show. 

But instead of real geeks, we get these guys that barely fit the description.  To compensate for that, the people who make this show decided to go out and get two nerds as well.  And not just any nerds.  These guys are ultranerds.  I don’t know their names, but you could easily pick them out from the pictures, or by listening to them talk, which is how I found out about them (it was on during a family meal, I had no choice).  These guys are so nerdy, even nerds like me look at that guy and say "Yeah, that guy is a nerd."  They don’t even get invites to the local D&D game because they are so annoying and obnoxious.  And don’t even try to play a game of Risk with them, you may actually develop brain cancer.

Now, the women, or the "Beauties."  Most of the women on this show had the quality of not having a brain.  A few of them, to their credit, did have some book-learning in them.  But when one of them can’t answer the question, "If there are 3 feet in a yard, how many feet are in 15 yards?" I die a little inside.  I lose a little more faith in humanity.  Seriously, people have questioned my taste in women, but if that is what you want in a woman (body minus brain), I question what you want in a relationship.

 The show was always referred to as a "social experiment."  No.  Bullshit on that.  Now, if you replace the so-called "geeks" with people like me, then you have an experiment.

Then again, if all the guys were like me, you would have no show, as all we would do is complain about how stupid this whole thing is while we make fun of the women for not being able to do simple math. 

Since this show will be redone with each new season of television, just like Survivor and all the other shitty shows, I’ll save you all some time and tell you exactly what happens each and every time.  This is how I knew it would happen when I first heard about the show, and I believe I was proven right when I saw 2 minutes of the last episode when my mother was watching.

The show will always go like this:

1. Women are tricked into going on a dating show.
2. Guys are dazzled by the beauty of the women they are paired with.
3. Women are repulsed by the guys they are paired with.
4. After a few shows, the men and women get a little closer, with a few romances thrown in so that the contestants can get some recognition after the show is done.
5. One couple will form what seems like a real relationship.
6. After a winner is chosen, the women will get all emotional about how they didn’t realize how hard it was for guys like them to get women, even though they really don’t care all that much, they are just happy to be done with the whole affair.
7. The relationships that “you were so sure would work out after the show was over” don’t work out once the women get into the real world again and see that they can do better.
8. The guys on the show now get mucho ass because they were on TV.

The End.  Now, I only saw probably a grand total of 10 minutes of the show the whole time it was on, but if I missed anything important, please tell me, and I’ll be sure to not care. 

In closing, fuck this show.  It’s not clever or funny or smart.  It is bottom of the barrel "reality TV," and I do believe that’s saying something.

Back to PsychoNoble Articles
    Back to PsychoNoble Home