You think you're weird?  You may think you are, but you've got nothing on me punk!  For every weird thing on you, I can one up you.  Dare me to continue?  Fine!  It's go time!

Warning!  Contains graphic descriptions of my body, which some people may find gross!  Yuck!

The Shoulder Bump -

I have a bump on my shoulder.  Its not just any bump though.  It's cancer!  No just kidding, it isn't cancer (sorry cancer victims currently reading this article).  How do I know that though?  Well let me tell you... The Tale of the Bump!

One time ago in a land far far away (or close depending on your location relative to Fargo) I attended Ben Franklin Junior High.  Like all Junior High students, I had Gym Class.  It was in one of these "gym classes" that The Shoulder Bump was born.  It was a warm day exploited by Gym Teachers that had me running around the track.  A friendly challenge is how it all began.  Myself and another raced toward the other end of the track.  I was about to achieve victory, until it happened.  A vengeful opponent pushed me from behind.  Forward I flew toward the black tar.  Shoulder first, I skid across the cement as it ripped through my skin.  The blood oozed through my P.E. shirt.  The instructors ignored me as I explained to them I needed at least a band aid.  No help was to be found...

Days past and the torn apart shoulder slowly began to heal.  It looked quite odd, but that was to be expected after such a brutal fall.  The thing is though, the wound never stopped looking odd.  In fact it grew to be freakish bump.  Slightly discolored with a scar-ish base, The Shoulder Bump still resides on my shoulder to this day, always there to remind me that that kid Adam is a jerk.

The Creative Poop -

Don't worry, this isn't about how my poop is creative, or how I make works of art out of my own feces.  The Creative Poop is not a thing but an action.  It is the mysterious event that occurs whenever I am doing something creative.  That is right.  I poop.

Ever since I was a youngling building Lego houses, the need to poop would strike me whenever I would be doing something creative.  Drawing a picture?  Poop.  Painting?  Crap.  Designing a website such as this one?  Number two.  I think you get the idea.

Why does this happen to me?  For that I have no explanation.  I speculate it has something to do with the possibility that I get excited when I'm creative, therefore constricting my intestines causing me to have to go to the bathroom.  That, of course, is only a theory.

How about onto something not gross?

Anosmia -

No, I don't mean insomnia.  Anosmia is so unrecognized that Microsoft doesn't even have it in its dictionary.  What is Anosmia you ask?  It means that you don't have the sense of smell.  I, my friends, am anosmic.  This may come to a surprise to some of you.  It was not until recently that I actually begin to admit this in public.  As a child I would often pretend to be able to smell a fart and laugh along with the other children.  Oh what I'd give to smell a fart!

For those of you still confused, I have provided a FAQ section below...

Q: Wait so... You can't smell at all?
A: No, no I can't.

Q: What about (insert any smell)?
A; No, believe it or not, you were not able to guess the one thing in all of reality that I could smell.

Q: How long have you been unable to smell?
A: For as long as I can remember.  I believe that I was born with this condition.

Q: Why can't you smell?
A: I do not know.  I have never told/asked a doctor because it would be pointless.  There is no cure for not being able to smell and I would rather save the money and not have a doctor tell me something I already know.

Q: So you seriously can't smell?
A: No, I seriously can't smell.

Q: Wait so, does that mean you taste less than me?
A: For me to answer that question, I would have to know how well you taste.  Therefore I do not know.  I would assume that I can only taste things like salty, sweet, sour, bitter, and spicy, for those are the tastes that the tongue picks up.  For other things such as the aroma of food, I do not pick up.  As I said though, I have no way to tell if anything is different tasting and how so from how you taste it.

I could go on (I've written an entire paper for school on this) but I think I will leave it at that for now.  My senses are failing me all together I'd say.  I mean, no smell, that limits taste, I wear glasses... at least I can hear well and uh... touch well...

So there you have it.  Three reasons why I'm weirder than you.  Still think you're weirder than me?  Then go write an article on your own site about it jerk!

Number of Creative Poops while writing this article: 2
You being grossed out by me: Priceless

Jaybird currently resides in Seattle where he reads comics, works in a library, and writes for this site.  He has also been known to blow your mind, rock your world, and eat pizza.