Special Rip-Off Edition
by Jason DeShaw

    Recently I was pretty excited about Sin City being released on DVD.  I never got to see it in the theaters, but heard it was great and wanted to buy the DVD.  So I did buy it, on the day it came out.  That night I watched it, and enjoyed it greatly.  It was definitely the most visually appealing movie I have ever seen.  I, of course, wanted to know more about how they did all of these effects.  I went and looked through the special features menu and saw only one behind-the-scenes documentary.  Quite suspicious.  Anyways, I continued forward with my viewing of the special feature and then it just ended.  It was hardly ten minutes long.  That is when I knew it.  There was only one explanation for a movie of this greatness having almost no special features.  At some point in the near future there would be a Special Rip-Off Edition released.

    What is this Special Rip-Off Edition you ask?  Well my friend, this is when they repackage the entire DVD with what should have been in the initial release and jack up the price.  Usually it contains loads of special features, often on an unnecessary second or even third disc, along with some other sort of incentive to buy this new DVD (in Sin City's case, an entire graphic novel).  Why would people do such things?  Why would they release one version of a DVD only to release another, better quality DVD, not much long after?  Well I'll tell you why.  They are bastards.

    This is nothing new though...

    I still remember my first DVD player.  I went out and bought some of my favorite movies on DVD so I could explore the vastness of their special features while still admiring the superior quality picture.  I bought Jurassic Park I and II (this was the pre-trilogy/pre-crappy third movie days) and of course my all time favorite, Spaceballs.  Oh Spaceballs was great.  It came in both full screen and wide screen.  It had a nice little set of special features, including some commentary by Mel Brooks himself (sure the commentary was from the time of laserdiscs, which opted for some awkward moments in which Mel Brooks would say "You should really turn off my commentary and just listen to this scene right now," followed by him talking over the scene as I had no way to turn him off).  For a long time fan of Spaceballs like me, this was THE DVD to own.

Sweet Sweet Spaceballs

    Then some time passed, as is the tendency of time.  My Spaceballs DVD stood unmatched at the top of my DVD shelf.  Then that faithful day occurred as I was walking through the one of many DVD aisles at Best Buy.  On the rack I saw Spaceballs, but this was not MY Spaceballs.  This one had a different cover.  This one weighed more, as if there were not one, but TWO discs inside.  Then, as my eyes moved to the top of the DVD (because I read from the middle out) I found the dreaded words... Collector's Edition!

Mel Brooks doing an accurate representation of my expression upon seeing this DVD

    How could this be!?  Spaceballs... Collector's Edition!?  I'm a collector!  Why don't I own this one?!  Why would such a company tarnish the great movie of Spaceballs just to have it sit there on the shelf and mock me?!  (see: They are bastards)  Well I do love Spaceballs, so perhaps I would admit defeat and buy this new version.  Then I saw the price tag.  $27?  Haha, those fools, this had to be a mistake.  I brought the DVD up to the counter to get this error fixed and add a new Spaceballs DVD to my collection.  After being made aware that this was in fact the correct price and that loud obscenities in public were not welcome, they escorted me out of the building.  Again I had to admit defeat.

    One might think that the way I use the word defeat I set myself up to always lose, but that my friend is the point.  These DVDs are a lose-lose situation.  If you buy the DVD, you shell out extra money on something you already have for a few extra special features that probably aren't even worth it in the long run.  Then, when people come over and see you have two versions of the same movie, you attempt to explain to them that one came out earlier and the next is the Collector's Edition and it's better and you bought both because... and by this time they have already stopped caring and think you are stupid.  And you are stupid!  The other situation, you don't buy the DVD and you miss out on those special features that suck.  BUT HOW DO YOU KNOW THEY SUCK!?  YOU DON'T!!  UUGGGH THE SUSPENSE WILL KILL MEEEEEE!!!!

    What makes it worse is that they create these versions of movies that don't even require it.  Now, I'm one of the few people who actually didn't think Daredevil sucked.  Even so, did it really need a special Director's Cut of the movie?  No, it didn't.  First of all, it's obvious that I'm in the minority of people who even liked Daredevil, let alone bought it.  Believe me though, it wasn't good enough for me to sit through 2 or more hours of special features.  If I want to learn about Daredevil, I'll go to comic books.

    Ok, I'm straying a little bit here, so let me get to the point.  If you already own a copy of a DVD and you see a new, different version on the shelves and become confused, here are a list of words to avoid...

    - Special Edition
    - Collector's Edition
    - Anything with Edition after it
    - Director's Cut
    - Recut
    - Extended
    - Unrated
    - Any of the Transition Metals (Silver, Gold, Platinum, etc)

    Also, these words tend to be more lethal and expensive when used in combination, such as (and I swear to God I'm not making this up), The Lord of The Rings: Platinum Series Special Extended Edition Collector's Gift Set.  With a name that long, you better get a cardboard box with Elijah Wood inside.

    Now what have we learned?  Never own two versions of the same movie.  I learned this the hard way with Star Wars: Special Edition, in which I'm pretty sure I'll never watch again.  If you must have The Special Rip-Off Edition, only buy it if you do not have the regular version.  This is the only option I find acceptable and if you are reading this, you probably care about my opinion, at least a little (please?).

    So remember kids, those new clips weren't in the original movie for a reason, they suck.

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