Hamming It Up With Breakfast
by Matt Brooks

If you ask someone what they had for breakfast and they reply "A plate of steamed vegetables, mashed potatoes and gravy, and a BLT," what would your reaction be?

Breakfast time is the strangest time of day. It's the only time you limit yourself to a certain selection of foods. That's not to say you won't eat non-breakfast foods, but if you do it's generally considered something out of the ordinary. Even stranger is that fact that we don't allow ourselves to eat breakfast foods for any other meal of the day, and if we do that meal becomes something different like Brunch or the always awkward Breakfast for Dinner which is so unique that it doesn't even get a cool name like Brunch.

Who said pancakes must always be associated with breakfast, or that cereal has no place at the dinner table? Why are we limiting ourselves like this? Shouldn't we be free to eat as we please?

Before answering those questions, lets first look at what I believe to be the food that solidified breakfasts place at the start of your day.

Cereal is the most curious of foods. A wide variety of strange shaped crunchy delights often sweet and always eaten swimming in a bowl of milk. Where did this strange food originate? I know it's documented somewhere, but I'm not interested in the who and when, I want to know why. It seems to me that if I can find this reason I will finally understand the mystery.

In the following paragraph I will try and put myself in the shoes of cereal's creator.

"Aaaaah what a pleasant morning! I can't wait to eat my ham sandwich for the very first meal of the day! What is this?!?!?! NO! It cannot be! That mangy mutt has eaten all the ham! What is a starving man to do?! Hmmm... I must think quickly, my last meal was nearly 10 hours ago and I'm sure if I don't eat soon my body will begin to digest itself... think man think! Lets see what I have.... a bottle of milk... some wood chips... a bag of sugar... and what's this? They appear to be tiny bits of rice... but they're crunchy! Oh my what a find!... But alas! These tiny crunchy rice things will not be enough to squelch my hunger pains! There must be something else... Wait!... what if... what if I put these rice things in a bowl and pour something on them... something that starts with an m.... mmmmmiints? no no... mmmmiiiillllllions of pennies? no.... wait what about... what about milk! Yes perfect! Alright I'll do this slowly... what was that thing I learned in chemistry? You always add the milk last? Yeah that sounds right... Ok here goes!... My god! What is that sound?! It's as if tiny elves are somehow making my cereal speak to me! It is saying pop crackle snap! Oh joy! Oh wonderful creation! I must name you! And I know just the perfect name! Rice Crispies! Isn't it perfect? From this day on you are only to be eaten in the morning. I don't really know why, but I created you and I feel like making everyone act just as stupid as me!"

If this scenario is true then we can assume that we only control our meals because we're too lazy or too scared to break tradition. We've come to enjoy the fact the we have only one time of day to look forward to some of the most delicious and comforting foods created by man (i.e. waffles, toast, pancakes, orange juice). It's as if we prolong our sleep with this first meal, continuing our dreams through wonderful consumption. Personally I feel that you can have too much of a good thing, and perhaps breakfast is just one of those things.

So to those of you out there who, like me, have always been baffled by this strange part of your reality remember this: good things come to those who wait, so obviously the less you eat breakfast the more you're waiting for it, and the more you wait, the better it will be.

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