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Some people had a
messed up childhood, some people have mental illnesses, and then some people are
just flat out crazy. They are the people that for no reason lash out
against all rules of logic. They take 'throwing reason out the window' a
step further by throwing themselves out the window, falling through an endless
abyss of insanity taking anyone they can with them. They are the people
that say the most ludicrous things that you don't even know where to begin in
attempting to show their wrongs. The only word to describe them would be
'Crazy'.
While looking around
CNN.com the other day, I managed to stumble upon one such crazy person.
Her name is Colleen, and she is from Santa Fe, New Mexico. Not far from
the crazy capital of the world, Roswell, Colleen manages to make a name for
herself. For more than a decade she has been viciously assaulted mentally,
causing her to go bankrupt. She has been unable to sleep and is tortured
nightly by messages. What are they though? Who could be doing this
to poor poor Colleen? Aliens? The Government? Oh no no no.
There is but one person who would do such things. One man sinister enough
to pour all of his vast resources into such a plan. And that man is...
David Letterman.
I'm going to let you
think about that for a second. Seriously, just sit there for a few seconds
and think about it. Ok, we can move on.
This woman believes
that David Letterman is mentally harassing her. I don't know where to
begin so I'll start at the article from CNN.com...
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She alleged
in a request filed December 15 that Letterman has forced her to go
bankrupt and caused her "mental cruelty" and "sleep deprivation"
since May 1994.
Nestler
requested that Letterman, who tapes his show in New York, stay at
least 3 yards away and not "think of me, and release me from his
mental harassment and hammering." |
Some
people are just crazy. She honestly believes that David Letterman is
trying to communicate to her through his television show using secret
encoded messages. A little part of me just died inside. To
prevent more mental cruelty from happening, she attempted to put a
restraining order on Letterman, even representing herself in court.
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Responding to a question from the judge, Nestler said she had no
proof of the allegations she had made against Letterman.
She
also said that if Letterman or any of his representatives came
near her, "I will break their legs" and establish proof of her
allegations.
She
also said that her comment about breaking legs "is not a
threat." |
Reading this
over and over, it seems more and more like some sort of universal
paradox, creating a black hole that sucks in all common sense. She
doesn't have proof on any of her claims, so a rational person would
think she would want proof. Yet, she goes on to say that if anyone
comes near her, she will break their legs. Of course, this is the
only way she could ever get proof. So she has just placed herself
in a situation where she could never get any proof, or doesn't want it.
She of course says that it "is not a threat" but what that really means
is that there is a hidden "its a promise" under her breath. As all
rational people know, only crazy people use the line "it is not a
threat", because the only reason you would ever need that line is if you
were indeed threatening someone.
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"I
appealed to the court for a restraining order to keep this
man away from me, but now that's been denied me," she said.
"He has access to me. He can actually come for me or send
people. He has many accomplices. I know this sounds crazy. I
was crazy to have listened to him in the beginning."
Nestler's application for a restraining order was
accompanied by a six-page typed letter in which she said
Letterman used code words, gestures and "eye expressions" to
convey his desires for her.
She
wrote that she began sending Letterman "thoughts of love"
after his show began in 1993, and that he responded in code
words and gestures, asking her to come east.
Nestler said Letterman asked her to be his wife during a
televised "teaser" for his show by saying, "Marry me,
Oprah." Her letter said Oprah was the first of many code
names for her and that the coded vocabulary increased and
changed with time. |
Yes
Colleen, now he has access to you. David Letterman and his
whole brainwashing squad is out to get you and there is nothing you
can do! That maniac enters your house every weeknight at 11:35
pm (10:35 pm Central) to send you secret encoded messages and
"thoughts of love"! Colleen, there is no escape! There
is no way to stop these horrendous acts of intrusion! Wait...
there is one... but its a long shot. Colleen, listen very
carefully... Somewhere in your house, there may be a small,
rectangular device. It is probably around the television.
Try looking for it when David is away plotting what his next message
to you will be. If you find it, there will be a button, most
likely highlighted in red with the word "Power" on it. Push it
Colleen! Push it now!
The
strangest thing about all of this though, is the fact that the article
was about how the judge REMOVED the restraining order from Letterman.
This judge, for a brief time, actually granted this restraining order
for this woman. He sat down, looked at the case and thought,
"makes sense to me, approved!" And that folks is what I think is
the craziest thing of them all. Sit and think about that for
awhile.
Jaybird currently
resides in Seattle where he reads comics, works in a
library, and writes for this site. He has also
been known to blow your mind, rock your world, and
eat pizza.
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