Issue #3

'The House of M' or 'Those Three Little Words'

    If you are at all into the current comic book scene (oh yes, there is a scene), you have no doubt heard of this past summer's crossover event from Marvel entitled The House of M.  Yet even if you haven't, fear not, for I will guide your way.  The House of M, which just wrapped up about a couple months or so ago, was one of Marvel's biggest crossovers in years.  Not since the likes of Onslaught (circa 1996) has such a Universe wide event taken place.  The House of M took over nearly every comic book in the Marvel Universe through out the summer.  In some cases it was just one issue and for others it spanned up to 4.  Aside from that, you had the main House of M comic line along with 4 separate Tie-Ins (Spider-Man, Iron-Man, Fantastic Four, and Mutopia X).  As you can see, this could be a lot to take in, which is why I'm here.  I'll give you a little rundown of the main title along with some of the 3 of the tie-ins (basically the stuff I bought, I'm not rich you know) plus some other analysis and a look at what's to come.  And as always, this will obviously contain spoilers, so turn back now if you're a jerk.

    Also, before we begin, this article ended up being a lot longer than expected, so if you know the back story, you'll probably want to skip right to Page 3 for my analysis and what not.

Pre-House of M

    So, once again, if you have read The First Issue of my series you know about The Scarlet Witch and all of her wackiness.  She has completely lost control of her reality-altering powers and something needs to be done about it.  Wanda Maximoff (The Scarlet Witch, also the daughter of Magneto and brother of Quicksilver) is being watched over by Professor X and Magneto in Genosha (the once mutant paradise).  Professor X has been attempting to keep Wanda under control, but knows he can't do it for much longer.

    Professor X, back in New York, assembles the X-Men, The New Avengers, and other notable heroes in Stark Tower.  Here they must decide what to do with The Scarlet Witch, which brings up an interesting moral dilemma.  What do you do to a person that you can no longer control, someone who has already killed and will no doubt cause more harm if not stopped?  Obvious, you kill her!  Although they don't want to, they see that this may be the only option.  Yet, before they can make their final decision, they want to go and talk to her.

    Quicksilver, hearing this, runs (did I mention he was fast?) back in Genosha to talk to pops.  He tells Magneto that they plan to kill her, but even Magneto doesn't know what to do.  Quicksilver begs to Magneto that they must do something, anything, to stop them from killing her.

    Finally the rest of the gang gets to Genosha only to find the Maximoff family missing.  Oh wait, now Professor X is missing.  And now Wolverine is gone.  And now everyone is disappearing.  Now its only Spider-Man.  And then he too is gone, burned into a giant white light... bum bum bum....

House of M

    When the world reappears we come to see that everything is different.  Where there was once a place where the homo-sapien as the majority suppressing the mutants, the mutants are now the homo-superior ruling over the humans with an iron fist.  It seems as though the mutants now have everything they have ever wanted.  They are the ones in charge, calling the shots.  The humans are a lesser life form.  This is the world under The House of M, otherwise known as The House of Magnus.

    This is how I'm going to break this down.  Since the House of M Tie-ins seem to either happen before or during the main House of M line, I am going to run through those first.

Fantastic Four: House of M

    In the House of M universe, there was never a Fantastic Four.  Reed Richards, Sue Storm, and John Jameson (replacing Johnny Storm, more on that later) all died in the space capsule that originally gave them their powers.  Only Ben Grimm managed to survive.

    In the Fantastic Four's place was a group known as The Fearsome Four (that must have taken hours to come up with in the Marvel offices).  This group was formed by one Victor Von Doom, his wife (who seems to have some sort of smokey powers), his son with powers resembling that of The Human Torch, and The It (Doom's pet, Ben Grimm).

    Doom (who now appears to have the ability to manipulate his own body into different metallic shapes, think T1000) is one of Magneto's highest and most trusted officers.  Him and his Fearsome Four hunt down and take care of resisters to The House of M.  The story opens with the team hunting down The Mole Man, a classic Fantastic Four villain.  Right before Doom puts the nail in Mole Man's coffin, Mole Man has a few words for him.

    "It is far better to die a King, than to live a Slave"

    Because you see, although Doom is rich and powerful, he is still only human.  And in The House of M, you can only accomplish so much as a human.

    After their victory over The Mole Man and his army of... mole people?  The Fearsome Four head back to their mansion to celebrate.  In a somewhat creepy scene, Doom's child takes a couple women into his room to play some games, while his mother mentions previous burning of women scenes...

    Later that evening, Doom goes to have a nice little chat with his mother.  Their conversation quickly turns to Doom and his position in the world.  Like most mother's, she believes Doom deserves more in the world.  Oh moms...

Can you see where this story is going yet?

    Magneto soon calls for Doom to check up on his negotiations with The Mole Man.  Doom informs Magneto that negotiations are pointless and the Mole Man has been disposed of.  Magneto offers Doom some words of advice, "Truly, you are the first among men.  Among men  Victor.  But ego and temper make for a dangerous combination.  You must be mindful."

    Doom thanks Magneto and leaves, only to kick the crap out of The It in a fit of rage, calling Magneto mutant trash.  Tired of being talked down to, Doom considers this the last straw.

Bum Bum Bum...

    For you see, Doom has hatched an evil plan.  Magneto has asked of Doom to find an extra-dimensional plane for his enemies.  Magneto believes that some of his enemies are too valuable to kill and instead must be kept away somewhere safe.  Doom sees this as a perfect opportunity, for in these other dimensions, his sorcery would be more powerful than ever and certain laws of physics, such as electro-magnetics he states, would be diminished... flexible.

    So Doom and his team quickly find an appropriate dimension.  They hastily destroy all inhabitants to clear the way for the epic battle between Doom and Magneto.  Later, he informs Magneto that he has found a suitable dimension and Magneto is intrigued.  Quicksilver believes that this may be a trap, but Magneto knows this, but shrugs it off.  He is the Master of Magnetism and Doom stands no chance against him.

    Upon entering the new dimension, The Fearsome Four make quick work of Magneto and Quicksilver.  Their mutant powers stand no chance against the mighty sorcery of Doom and Co.  The Four leave Magneto and his son in the other dimension and close the portal.  Doom quickly slashes some of Magneto's lackeys and takes his place as ruler of the world.  Doom tells his family to find a suitable holding cell for The It, only for The It to lash out, demanding respect as part of the team.  Doom OKs this, and sends his wife and son off to look for Polaris (another child of Magneto).

    Dooms is sitting triumphantly, overlooking his new land, when his family runs in shouting that they could not find Polaris.  Just then, The It appears with Polaris at his side.  Yet it is not only Polaris, but Magneto and Quicksilver as well.  Doom's family is not pleased with this development.  This leads to yet another fight, but this time, Magneto's side gets the better of Doom.  Magneto takes it one step further and kills Doom's child and wife.  Is that punishment enough?  No!  Bring out that evil Mother!

    Magneto threatens to punish the mother instead by throwing her into another dimension, but the mother objects.  She begs for mercy and claims she had no idea what Doom was planning.  She calls her son Doom many things, a vile traitor, a monster, and then says that he is no son of hers.  Magneto accepts this and lets her go freely.  What a mean mommy.

    Finally, Magneto decides to punish Doom directly by asking what he should do to him.  Did I mention that Doom is metal in this dimension?

    Finally, Doom manages to get out his response.  "Kill me," he says.  Magneto decides otherwise, for he has plans for Doom and forgives him.  He knows that Doom is now a broken man with nothing to fight for.  Magneto has won.

    As for The It, he manages to meet up with a blind woman named Alicia (the woman he marries in the normal Marvel Universe).  She mentions that he will be a great addition to the human resistance.

The End

Iron Man: House of M

    Tony Stark is a man among men.  He is rich, powerful, super intelligent, and the star of Sapien Death Match!  In this Death Match, Tony squares off as Iron Man against other competitors such as Johnny Storm (so that's where that kid went too...), giant human-hunting sentinels, and of course, his father.  People in the House of M really have parent issues it seems.

    Anyways, the story opens with Iron Man in once such battle.  Iron Man, in a somewhat retro suit of armor, is going up against Johnny Storm who has some armor of his own.  In this world, Johnny doesn't have his Human Torch powers, but still manages to get out a "Flame On!" when he blasts Stark with some beam of fire from the chest of his armor.  Iron Man manages to burrow underground and surprise attack Storm.  It seems as though Tony has secured victory when out of nowhere, STOMP!  Iron Man is crushed by a giant robot piloted by none other than his father, Howard Stark.  "It's over Tony."

    Howard takes first place over his son in the competition and condescendingly gives him a rub on the head.

    Tony Stark is more than just an arena battling guy who dresses up in armor, he is also the head of Stark Industries, which he has brought to new heights since inheriting the company from his father.  After quickly showing off some of his business savvy ("You sure he's not a mutant?"), Tony stumbles upon Henry Pym working on gene-mapping the mutant genome.  Howard freaks out and starts shouting at Pym about how such acts are forbidden.  Pym looks to Tony for some backup, but Tony threatens to fire him if he doesn't shut it down.  Howard gives Tony the ol' "..." and look of displeasure combo and walks out of the room.

    Cue Tony having drunken childhood flashbacks...  Daddy to little Tony, "What a disappointment."  Tony (grown up again) heads down to the sub-basement to continue working on some new armor of his as featured on the cover image.  "Wait'll  you see this old man..." he says to himself.

    In what can only be imagined as the next day, Tony once again walks through the Stark offices only to find that Henry Pym is missing.  Some weird robot tells Tony that Pym has vacated the building.  Hmmm...

    Tony runs to daddy to tell him that he can take care of the missing Pym, but his father will have nothing of him!  After some verbal abuse by his father about how he is basically a big disappointment has has never done anything for himself, Tony drinks some more by himself.  And as all men do when they are drunk, they hop into their super high-tech armor they have secretly been designing.  With help of his computer program Jarvis, Tony finds a secret underground bunker where Pym is or once was.  Iron Man bursts in looking for Pym, only to be grabbed by some of those darn Sentinels.  He manages to take out a couple until one gets the better of him by stomping on him.  "It's over Tony,"  says the man piloting the Sentinel.

    Perhaps it is all a ploy though?  Howard (in Sentinel) tells Tony how to disable it.  Tony, confused about his father's motives, does so.  His father tells him to run, for he is about to fire and kill the humans in the underground bunker.  Iron Man won't stand for such actions and blows away the Sentinel's head before it can fire.  Howard manages to escape, but Tony is surrounded!  By the news!

    That evening, the story airs of Iron Man saving the humans.  This does not bold well for Tony, as representatives of The House of M have come to see him.  The weird two-headed female tells Tony that the House of M is taking over Tony's Vision project for National Defense and Security.  They also mention that they have discovered who this Iron Man character is.  None other than Johnny Storm, and they want him dead!

    After another little chit-chat with his Dad, Tony heads downstairs to destroy his armor (he's such an obedient boy), until the armor asks him to stop.  Wait what?  It's actually Johnny Storm inside the armor.  He somehow managed to sneak in so he could talk to Tony.  Johnny wants in the fight.  Tony is reluctant, until his little mini-pad informs him that they found Pym!  To the skies!

    Iron Man and Johnny Storm fly to where Pym is and take out some Sentinels along the way.  They pick up Pym and head out, but some mutants in flying gear chase after them.  All of a sudden Pym whips out some type of bomb and kaboom!  Mutants Liquefied.  "It works!" Pym exclaims!  He has made bombs that specifically target the mutant DNA and destroys them, and he's made lots!  And where are they you might ask?

Oh... Oh I see.

    Pym has gone a little nuts.  Iron Man and Johnny Storm demand to know where all the bombs are, but Pym isn't talking, so they shoot him.  Well, they don't kill him, that would be mean, they are super heroes after all.  Tony downloads some information and is able to figure out they have 18 minutes to defuse all the bombs before they detonate, killing all the mutants.  Let the race being!

    The two fly from location to location destroying all the bombs that they can, but before they can get too far, they are interrupted by an army of Vision robots, the same ones Tony allowed The House of M to take.  Iron Man fights back and forth awhile with the Vision robots, but eventually one takes a hold of him.  Then, from out of a building in a suit of armor of his own is, of course, his father.  Howard reveals to Tony that this has all been planned by him and Tony played his role perfectly.  The two fight it out in a war of words, predominantly with, "I'm not your son!" and "Yes you are!"  While this is happening, word gets out on the news and other Sapien Death Match participants come and join the battle to help out Iron Man.

    And then if it wasn't confusing enough, the plot gets even thicker.  Howard explains to Tony that he is now a hero, the savior of the sapiens and deliverer of mutant kind.  He transfers control of all the Vision robots over to Tony.  Howard then reveals his true plan.  It was not to kill millions of mutants, just one.

    Magneto, if on cue, flies in to join the battle.  He uses his magnetic powers to throw Howard into some lava created by the battle.  Iron Man holds his father as he dies saying, "Kill him.  You don't have to be scared anymore.  They love you.  Only you.  Mutants and Sapiens... you saved them all."

    Iron Man stands in front of Magneto holding the last mutant bomb....

    And with that, the story ends as Tony, along with some other chaps, clean up the mess they made.  What good boys.

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