Door To Door Religion

by Brady Lewis 

I hate Door to Door Religions. I really do. Not them as people, not for what they stand for, but because of what they do. They come to my front door and try to convert me. They have probably come to your door too. 

First off, I wonder if they have ever come across someone who has converted after they come to the door. Id like to meet this person, cause I think I could take advantage of such a weak-minded person. Would a devout Catholic all of a sudden, after listening to some guy for five minutes, abandon his previous beliefs and church and join? I cant see something like that happening. Find a better way of doing things. Saves the other 99% of us a headache. 

Now, on to my main gripe. These people came to my door a couple of weeks ago. Normally, I would have pretended no one was home. Well, I look out the side window, and I see a man and a child. They must be selling something, I think to myself. I support a lot of groups that sell things. Hell, I buy crappy cookies and chocolate like the rest of America. So I foolishly open the door. I greet them both. Now, at this point I notice that the child is carrying a bag with a cross on the front. Coincidence, I think. Well, this kid introduces both himself and the man with him. He then proceeds to ask me this question: Sir, do you think there will ever be a day when no one will be able to say I am sick? At this point, I'm thinking to myself, Oh shit, I just made a big mistake. But, being the polite bastard I am, I say Hmmm, I don't really know. Well, says the kid, here in the Bible (I'm almost kicking myself as he pulls one out) it says and he proceeded to quote a passage about how know one will be able to be sick. Then he talks about the statistics on AIDS deaths. He gave me this packet about AIDS and asked me to read it. He then asked if he could come back sometime and talk about it. Lucky me, I'm going hunting. I'm not gonna be here for a while. He says ok, and just asks me to read it. So they finally leave.

Now, you are thinking, They didn't even say anything about religion, other than quoting from the Bible. True, but I know they were all about religion. How? After they leave, and after I literally head-butt a wall for my stupidity, I throw this packet on the counter. Three religious pamphlets fly out of it. That is total bullshit.

I see three things wrong with this scenario. First, these people deceive me into opening the door by looking like they are selling something. I actually think this is a smart move on their part. I'm just pissed that it worked, and because of my second point.

That second point being that THEY WERE USING A CHILD! That is just wrong. I don't know if they were brainwashing him, training him, or if this is part of their communion or whatever they have, but it is just wrong. The guy never talked, the kid gave the whole pitch to me. I almost threw up upon realizing that. I'm not kidding. I felt sick knowing that these people use children to advance their cause.

That almost pales in comparison to number three. That being that they were USING THE FATAL DISEASE OF AIDS TO GET YOU THEIR PAMPHLETS! After those pamphlets flew out of the AIDS packet, I almost felt dirty for having taken it. My God, this goes against every moral fiber in my body. Lets use dying people to deceive people. And you have to take the packet. Not taking it would almost be like being Pro-AIDS. The only way I could condone this is if every single person in the world with AIDS gave them permission to use their misfortune to spread their religion. Better start now, the number of people with AIDS is growing.

I got this visit at 11:00 AM on a Saturday. After they left, and I realized all this, my day was ruined. I felt so horrible, and I didn't even do anything. How do they do that without feeling so guilty and dirty?

I'm willing to bet that most of the people who read this will agree with me. Then again, even if you don't, and you condone everything that I described, I don't really care. Its not whether you agree with me or not. I simply want to spread the word. And if you happen to be a practitioner Door to Door Religion, I ask you to please stop with this. Stop it now. If I get another visit, and something like this happens, I will NOT be held responsible for what happens.

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