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ESPN Insider: PsychoNoble -
100 Reason's Why ESPN Insider Blows
by Alex Anderson I love sports. I have
been a sports enthusiast for as long as I can remember. I love
watching sports, I love playing sports, and as a part-time college
student/full-time employee, I like reading about sports. I don't
always have time to be watching the big games and I certainly have
trouble finding time to play. So when I sit down at my computer I
want to read about sports. I want to be informed to all of the
things that I have missed. "So, what's the problem," an
uninterested reader may wonder, while hoping this article actually goes
somewhere. The problem my questioning friend, is EPSN
Insider. So I have for you today, complied a list of the top 100
Reason's Why ESPN Insider Blows. It is the most in-depth analysis
of why ESPN Insider blows that you can find on the web today. It
has all the latest and greatest blah, blah, blah... getting on with the
list.
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This is one of the biggest reasons that I have come
to hate ESPN the "Insider." The key variable in the formula is
the fan. One might argue that ESPN has to pay their
analysts money to write the things that they do and that removing
the service fee unintentionally removes good investigative
journalism and so-forth. Well, the hell with that. THE
KEY IN THE VARIABLE IS THE FAN. I'm the one that goes to the
ballpark, I'm the one that buy's the jerseys, the posters, the
bobble-heads. I make the sport. It's my giving a shit
about the intricacies of the sport that would create a demand for
such a service in the first place. I didn't watch the 3 same
commercials eight million times during NFL draft weekend, in
addition to putting up with the over-paid, pop-culture referencing
hose-bag that is Chris Berman, to come to ESPN.com and get met with
a FEE. How can you charge me money for being on your site and
looking at your pop-up java-based advertisements? It's all a
bunch of bullshit. Back, back, back, back, back in the day,
there was a draft announcer that didn't whisper every pick before it
happened, completely ruining any suspense - and likewise, no stupid
charges accompanying my sports articles. |
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Look at the ESPN crew. For the most part they
are all asswinks. Sure there is speckled brilliance among
them, but its not like they're amazing writers, analysts, or
journalists, or anything. With names like Joe Theisman and
Dick Vitale on the "Insider" lineup its amazing that we don't get
beer-stained halfway filled scorecards with random doodles as
articles. In fact, I wouldn't be surprised if it's the editors
job to put the doodles and stats recorded on such cards into article
format for those incompetent losers. Oo oo, I call the free
throw line the "charity stripe," somebody piss on me for shit sakes. |
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Alongside almost every ESPN "Insider" article is a
little picture that looks a lot like this. -
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It is easily the most irritating thing in the universe. BY
FAR. Seriously, it wouldn't make me that angry, if there was a
little bit of consistency with it - but there just isn't. All
they would have to do is put the little gay picture next to EVERY
article that is deemed "Insider," instead of just some.
Instead, clicking a link on ESPN.com is like drinking during
pregnancy, everything might come out as planned or, if things go
haywire, you might have to deal with something retarded.
Retarded in this sense? 1/10 of the article along with an
invitation to sign-up for reading the remaining 9/10... almost as
bad as raising a child with Down's. |
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What is in the "Insider?" Nobody sane enough
to tell me knows, because nobody sane would pay for it. My
guess? A bunch of repeated information. Why?
Because that is the staple of anything ESPN. The fact of the
matter is that we as sports gurus have enough information the way it
is. All the statistics we can fucking cram into our brains
while still remembering how to drive our cars to work is there
already and if its not it's available via the official sites for the
NBA, NFL, MLB, etc. So what are we looking for when we read
articles on ESPN.com? Many times we are simply looking for a
rendering of the associated press' version, something with a little
spin on what we'll have in our morning papers. Many times we
are looking for one damned professional writer that gets to be on
ESPN.com to agree with our opinion of the officiating during Game 4
of the opening round of the NBA playoffs (Suns vs. Lakers) and we
finally find it
here - THANK YOU SKIP BAYLESS!!! - Seriously... how many people
that get paid to talk sports for a living didn't realize that the
LAKERS of all teams in that situation (10 seconds left on the clock
and behind by 1 without the ball) were TRYING to foul Nash, so that
they had a chance of winning. UGH. Okay, a little off
topic,... but that vent had to be opened sooner or later. |
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