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Everything Wrong With AIM:  Because We've All Thought About It
by Jason DeShaw

AOL Instant Messenger is easily the most widely used Instant Messaging system on the market today.  I'm no IM historian, but I'd imagine that AIM was one of the first IM services out there, pioneering the way for many more to come.  It's gone through many different changes and incarnations, currently on version 5.9.  With such a vast history, one would think that AIM is superior in all aspects as an instant messaging system.  Well, one would be wrong.  I've used many other instant messaging products, many of them light-years ahead in terms of technology and overall "good-ness", yet I always end up back with AIM.  Why is that?  Because everyone has AIM and only 1 out of 15 people have [insert random IM service name here].  AIM practically has a monopoly on the IM world and consistently makes it's product more and more horrendous.  What can we do about it?  Nothing.

This article is not about boycotting AIM or destroying AIM or anything of that sort.  Someday, someone greater than I will find a way to make things better, but that day is not today.  The purpose of this article is to point out everything wrong with AIM, so we can all be frustrated together.  This article is created so that when you read this, you will know that you are not alone.  You will know that there are hundreds, thousands of others, all using the same crappy IM messaging system as you.  Now, by all means, this is not a comprehensive guide to every single thing wrong with AIM (as the title may have led you to believe).  A list like that would take up the entire disk usage on our site and really, its not worth it.  Instead, this article will simply list some of the biggest issues that happen while using AIM and some of my own thoughts on them as well.  Alright, enough with the jibber-jabber.  Let's get started.

I've started off with the buddy list window, circling a few things that are wrong with AIM.  Let's see, you got your ad that you'd never click on up there at the top as well as a bunch of features you'd never use at the bottom.  I suppose we might as well start at the top and work our way down, shall we?

Remember when we could IM each other without being constantly subjected to advertisements?  Believe it or not, there was a time when AIM was practically ad free.  I don't have any proof other than my own memory to back this up, so you're just going to have to trust me that things were better before.  What's worse now is the degree in which this little ad box above your buddy list can annoy you.  It's more than a simple banner, oh so much more.  Now they make sounds and play commercials.  Nothing is better than browsing the internet and talking to friends when all of a sudden random sounds start popping out from your computer telling you about the crappy new horror flick around the corner.  It's quite, well, horrible.  And it doesn't stop there... OH NO IT DOESN'T.  Now ads open without you even clicking on them.  Simply roll your mouse over and AIM freezes up as it attempts to load a new window for the ad that you don't care about.  The worst part is, for me at least, is that this usually happens when I'm attempting to close the buddy list window, but accidentally have my mouse swipe over the ad, only to be subjected to the atrocities of AIM Ads.

Yes, I am aware that AIM is a free service and that ads are usually a part of that, but these are just ridiculous.  It's AIM, as in AOL Instant Messenger, as in AOL/Time Warner, as in one of the biggest companies on the planet!  I somehow find it hard to believe that this company is hard pressed for money.  So hard pressed in fact, that they must force ads upon us by tricking us into activating them, or just having them activate on their own.  For the love of God, I don't care about Crest and my Irresistibility iQ!  Christ, what does that even mean?

Now for the bottom where AIM is being handy and giving us all these helpful little tools for us to use.  Such great things such as... um... wha?  I will really never understand why AIM added this little nuisance.  Let's take a look... Play AIM Games.  Have you ever played an AIM game?  I mean other than just because it was a funny joke to open it and actually see what people are wasting their time creating?  No, I didn't think so.  I don't even know what Add Tools is, but I know I wouldn't use it.  If you were to translate Add Tools into plain English I'm sure it'd be more along the lines of "Add more advertisements from people shilling themselves out to corporations for every last cent they can get," which I guess would be adding more Tools.

As for AIM Mail and AIM Today, I would think that would be self-explanatory as to why you wouldn't ever need to click those, but I'll explain anyways.  Does anyone have AIM Mail?  I mean other than having it so you can have that precious 13th e-mail address to filter junk mail to?  I didn't think so.  Case and point.  Ok, as for AIM Today... I don't even know where to begin.  First of all, for anyone who doesn't have the option already disabled (see: Tools), AIM Today is that annoying thing that pops up (see: freezes up) when you first start up AIM.  It contains such helpful information as to what you should do to be cool and what the Olsen Twins are up to.  Now, for some reason, AIM felt this just wasn't enough.  There had to be some option to reopen this window if needed.  As if there is some person, somewhere, who was in the situation, "Oh man, I closed AIM Today!!!  How do I get that back?!  I need my juicy news bites about Bradgelina's new baby!!1  I'm lost forever without them!!!1"  Thank God AIM has found a way for us to resume the destruction of our brains.

So, of course there are ways around both of these things wrong with the AIM buddy list.  You can always enable the option so when you X out the AIM buddy list window, it just minimizes it into that icon.  That way, the ads don't bother you as long as you don't have access to your buddy list.  Also, you can press that little down arrow to get rid of those annoying buttons at the bottom.  The thing is though, we shouldn't HAVE to find ways around how stupid AIM is.  AIM shouldn't BE stupid!  Yet, we are just getting started.  As I did the buddy list, I took the time to circle a few minor things wrong with the actual IM window from above.

So, left to right is how we'll do it.  First off, MORE ADS.  You cannot escape them.  AIM windows used to be clear of ads and now they are cluttered with them.  What's weird about these ads though is that they are the most simplistic ads of all time, usually not even displaying a whole message.  "Phone plans for just"!!!  Thanks Vonage!

For the buttons on the bottom, there are obviously varying degrees of wrongness.  The Warn button I've had a problem with ever since it's inception.  Have you ever not talked to someone because they had a high warning level?  Have you ever had a high warning level?  I mean other than your friends ganging up on you to get you to 100% and then you can't sign on AIM and it goes slow when you can because its stupid and you just want to talk to other people but both AIM and your "friends" are jackasses for making something this stupid and then exploiting it on you because they thought it'd be funny but now you just have to suffer throu... I mean um... No, I didn't think so.  In all reality the Warn button is pretty pointless.  As for the Block button, it works, unless of course anyone uses the new feature where they can be on two screen names at once.  That way, the Block button becomes more of a "I hate you" button, because no matter what they will figure it out.

Expressions are a good way of messing up your AIM experience as well.  I remember when they first came out I was curious as to what they actually were.  I realized they were stupid.  Years later, people still tell me how they can see some guy in a door or something of that sorts when talking to me.  I have no idea why, other than that AIM is stupid.

We've been over Games.

Video and Talk.  Do you have a web cam?  I mean other than for whoring yourself out to the general public?  I didn't think so.  Do you have a microphone?  If you do and are seriously considering using AIM to talk to someone with the 15 second lag, I would offer you some advice.  There is this new invention, just came out, its called the telephone.  Try it.

Now for the nice 4 buttons that are last.  There is a link button.  Have you ever used this button?  I mean for other reasons than tricking your friends into going to a porn site?  I didn't think so.  Why would you use this button?  AIM already automatically makes any link you put into the box a hyperlink anyways?  It's just excess junk.

The Direct Connect button.  I must say, I do like the feature and used to think it was one of AIM's strong points, until it stopped working correctly.  It used to work fine and dandy.  Now... not so much so.  Sure, you can send a few pictures back and forth, but if you give it more than a few minutes all of a sudden the person can't see what you are typing or something gets messed up and freezes.  Why would something that works properly and effectively suddenly become worthless?  I couldn't tell you.

Send greetings button... ooohhh ho ho I'm saving you for last.  In fact, just read my article AIM Faces Debunked later and that should cover the smileys.  Send greetings... my oh my.  Have you ever clicked this button?  I mean anytime other than on accident since it's between two of the most often used buttons on AIM?  I didn't think so.  It really has to be the most annoying button created by AIM and the reason behind me creating this article.  I don't see why you would ever have to send a greeting to someone YOU ARE ALREADY TALKING TO ON AIM.  It would be like talking to someone on the phone, then your cell phone rings, you pick it up, and its the same person you are already talking to, just to say hi.  It would actually be pretty annoying.  Not to mention that whenever you accidentally click on it your computer whacks out attempting to load the new window as you try to close it simultaneously.

Well, that was quite a rant if I ever heard one, but I felt like it needed to be said.  Hopefully I made some of you feel less alone in your hatred towards AIM and someday we can have an AIM revolution and over throw the evil AOL/Time Warner government, making AIM a safer, less sucky place for future generations to come.  The End.