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Too Short
by Jason DeShaw

As I'm sure some of you have noticed, I like to write about ridiculous stories I find in the news.  I've written about how people want to sue NASA for shooting something into a comet, thereby messing up their astrological career (Lawsuit Impact).  I've also written about how a crazy woman wanted to sue David Letterman because he was sending her coded love messages through the television (Some People Are Just Crazy).  And now this article will be my next installment.

The article can be found on CNN.com here, but I'll sum it up for you.  A 50 year old man was found guilty of two felonies of sexual assault on a 12 year old girl.  This of course means he'll be going to jail for quite a long time right?  WRONG!  See, according to the article, he should get 10 years in prison, but instead the Judge opted for a 10 year probation instead.  Why you might ask?  Because the man is "too short" for prison.

So you might be thinking, "Oh, I didn't even know there was a height requirement for prison," in which case you would be right, because there isn't.  This judge decided he would make a stand for the little people of the world by declaring there is no way this man would last 10 years in a state prison.  Hooray, a victory for the little ones!

"I'm assuming a short inmate would have a much more difficult time than a large inmate," said Mangano (secretary of the National Organization of Short Statured Adults), who is 5 feet 4 inches tall. "It's good to see somebody looking out for someone who is a short person."

It bothers me so much I just spilled my Pizza Rolls all over myself!  So here is the thing, there is a difference between "looking out for someone who is a short person" and "looking out for someone who is a sex offender".  Now, I don't pretend to know what it's like to be short, but I would think that sexual assault on a minor would supercede how tall (or short) the person is when concerning jail time.  Yes, I'm sure it would indeed be harder for a short person to make it through jail, but aren't we forgetting that jail is the punishment!?  I hate to be so blatant, but who cares if this guy has a harder time in jail?  He is a sex offender!  He shouldn't get off easier because he is short.  He should get the same punishment as anyone else who does whatever it is they do to little girls.

If I had a child that was sexually assaulted, I wouldn't give a damn how tall the person was.  I would just want to see them locked away in prison.  I also somehow doubt that if a short person's child was assaulted by another short person, that they would be like, "Well, you did sexually assault my child, but since you are short like me, I understand the difficulties you'll have in prison.  Instead, I'll accept a 10 year probation instead where you will most likely sexually assault another person's child too."

Yet another fact that makes this even more ridiculous is the prison spokesperson says that they already have people shorter than this guy inside!  So really, in a judge's attempt at standing up for short people, he has really just stood up for short criminals.  I really don't understand how he didn't see this.

Now, the prosecutor is attempting to get this decision overturned and I would be quite surprised if it wasn't.  In fact, a little part of me will die inside if nothing changes.  Sadly, I will probably never know, because the media won't cover it.  I think that the best part of this article though was the quote by Senator Chambers at the end...

"If shortness is an excuse and protection from going to prison, short people ought to rob banks and do everything else they would wind up going to prison for," Chambers said.

Little people... UNITE!!!