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Issue #5

Author's Note:  If you have the same website tastes as my own, you may notice that this article is similar to another that recently appeared on I-Mockery.com.  The idea for this article actually came to my mind previously to that article's appearance, but due to our rotations of updating, this one didn't come up until now.  I say this because I don't want anyone telling me I ripped them off, as well as to point out that although this article is similar in to why it was written, the actual content will be different.  If you have no idea what I'm talking about, sorry for wasting your time.  Now we return you to your previously scheduled article.

Frank Miller:  What Happened?

If you know anything about the history of comic books, then you've almost certainly heard the name Frank Miller.  And even if you don't know much about comics, you may have heard his name anyways.  This is because Frank Miller is undoubtedly one of the most influential comic book writers in the modern era.  He's paved the way for comics today and for awhile it seemed that everything he touched turned to gold.  But somewhere along the way, something happened.  Suddenly his magical ways of making everything great disappeared and what was left was well... crappy.  So I ask to whoever will listen... what happened?  And then after you shrug your shoulders, I'll give you my opinion.

Miller got started in the 80s with his work on Daredevil, turning a second stringer Spider-Man wannabe into a full fledged dark, gritty super hero.  Miller for, all intents and purposes, turned Daredevil into the character he is today.  He also worked on the first Wolverine mini-series, helping once again to shape the Wolverine you see today.  The success of the Wolverine mini-series was an obvious influence for the eventual ongoing Wolverine title and his growing popularity.  Now you can currently see Wolverine appear in every other Marvel title.  Woo?

Then, in 1986, Frank Miller changed the comic book world forever with The Dark Knight Returns.  Miller both wrote and illustrated this story of Batman set in the future of the DC universe.  What made it special was just how dark the book actually was.  Sure, nowadays every friggen superhero has some hidden agenda or something that makes the character "grim and gritty", but in the 80s that wasn't the norm.  At that time, comics were generally aimed at young children, but Miller's story was anything but kid friendly.  The Dark Knight Returns (and coincidently Alan Moore's Watchmen, also released in 1986) shocked the comic book world with its dark and disturbing take on super heroes and the world they live in.  Miller helped set into motion the darker, more mature, super hero era and basically created the Batman you see today.

It didn't stop there either.  The 90s rolled around and, after a dispute over censorship with DC comics, moved to Dark Horse Comics where Miller created Sin City.  Sin City further pushed the envelope with a black and white, film noir feel and intense violence and sexual themes.  Yet in the 90s, Miller's flaws began to be revealed.  Robocop 2 and 3... oh yeah... he wrote those screenplays.  Afterwards Miller said he'd never work for Hollywood again because of all the changes they made to his scripts.  Ok... fair enough, but his flaws didn't end there...

In 2001, Miller released The Dark Knight Strikes Again, otherwise known as Dark Knight 2.  As one would expect, expectations for this comic were through the roof.  To say Miller didn't meet those expectations would be an understatement.  So much so that fans (or not fans) changed the cover of Batman's fist in the air to be Batman giving everyone the finger.  Instead of a faithful sequel, Miller attempted to do what he did with the first, revolutionize comics.  Instead of a dark, grim, and gritty story, Miller opted for a super hero satire with a bright and colorful photoshop feel.  Now, I can understand what Miller was going for with this, attempting to do what he did 15 years previously, but fans hated it.  Fans felt betrayed and felt as if Miller wrote DK2 as a big "Screw You" to everyone.  Deep down, I don't really know if that's what Miller was going for with DK2, but perhaps it is what motivated him to do his next series.

DC Launched a new line of comics called the All-Star line intended to show case "All-Stars" on everyone's favorite characters.  So when it was announced that Frank Miller and Jim Lee would be doing 'All-Star Batman and Robin', people got excited.  Jim Lee is arguably one of the greatest artists working in the industry today and of course Miller's work on Batman is legendary.  So once again, expectations were through the roof and once again they were far... FAR from met.  So much so that 'All-Star Batman and Robin' is what prompted me to write this article.

So far only four issues have been released, so let me do a quick recap of what's happened.

Issue 1: Vicki Vale walks around in her underwear and then goes to the circus with Bruce Wayne.  Dick Grayson's parents get shot so Batman abducts him.

Issue 2: Batman and Dick Grayson are in the Batmobile talking.

Issue 3: Black Canary is at a bar and beats people up.  Batman and Dick Grayson are still in the Batmobile.

Issue 4: Batman and Dick Grayson get out of the Batmobile.  Batman forces Superman to get a doctor from Paris to help save Vicki Vale who is dying (after being attacked by corrupt police of course).  Batman forces Dick Grayson to hunt sewer rats in the Batcave to eat, but Alfred gives him a cheeseburger instead.  Batman yells at Alfred.

So after 128 pages of comic book (with ads) they have finally gotten from the circus to the Batcave.  NOTHING IS HAPPENING.  What makes it even worse is the fact that this comic has been massively delayed over and over.  The first issue came out in July of 2005.  Issue 4 came out in May of 2006.  It's taken almost a year for NOTHING TO HAPPEN.  And we know it isn't Jim "I'm known in the business for being on time" Lee's fault for the series being late.  So that leaves really only one other person to blame, Frank Miller.

I have a theory though.  Even though people think DK2 was the big "Screw You" to the fans, 'All-Star Batman and Robin' actually IS.  People wanted the gritty Batman in DK2 and were angry, so in retaliation Miller is giving them what they want, whether they like it or not.  You can almost tell how much Miller is trying to make this comic so "grim and gritty" with some of the completely obnoxious lines.  (Yes, I took these lines from Wikipedia as it was right in front of me, but they are perfect examples of what I'm trying to say).

Dick Grayson: So what do you call this thing, anyway?
Batman: The Batmobile.
Dick Grayson: That is so totally queer.
Batman: Shut up.

Dick Grayson: Who the hell are you anyway, giving out orders like this?
Batman: What are you, dense? Are you retarded or something? Who the hell do you think I am? I'm the goddamn Batman.

I could go on with more examples of what makes this series so wrong, but I don't want to make this too much into a "OMG ALL-STAR BATMAN AND ROBIN SUXORZ!!1," so if you care, you can find many a sites discussing all the things wrong.

So good job to you Frank Miller, you showed us all.  We wanted grim and gritty and you gave it to us as crappily as you could.  Frank Miller, a man of the people.  Or more like a man for himself who doesn't care what the fans think and will just do what he wants.  Because really, there just doesn't seem to be an excuse that after 4 issues and over $12, you have given me a story where NOTHING HAS HAPPENED.  All you have given me is a crappy story where no one acts like they should just so you can prove your point.  Why do I keep buying it?  Because its Frank Miller and I want to believe that it'll get better.  Yet I think I've given up hope.

Don't worry though, because in between his time of not working on 'All-Star Batman and Robin' and working on Sin City 2, Miller is working hard away on his next project titled 'Holy Terror Batman!'  It is about (and I'm not making this up I swear) Batman hunting down Al-Qaeda and Osama Bin Laden.  Plus one for the clever double meaning in the title, minus a billion for it's guaranteed suck.

Next Issue! - It probably won't be for awhile, but since I'm attending this years San Diego Comic-Con in a few weeks, I should have a big write up of that in the future.  I'm so pumped.