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Risk (and Even More Bored Game Adventures)
by Jason DeShaw

Now please, before you judge me for spelling 'Board Games' like 'Bored Games', read my first article entitled Pictionary (and Other Bored Game Adventures).  That shall clear up any such matters.  Now, onward I say, onward to our next adventure into bored games!

I have one question.  Who doesn't love Trivial Pursuit?  Now, if I were a teacher, this would be one of those times when I would invoke the ol' reversal-o-question-o to switch my one question of "Who doesn't love Trivial Pursuit?" into "Who does love Trivial Pursuit?"  Why would I do such a thing?  It would make it easier to count the hands of the raised students, or lack thereof.  I can tell you aren't following me, because I'm not even following me, so let me use an example.

Me, circa 6th grade.  Teacher to math class, "So who all signed up for pre-algebra?"  The whole class with the exception of me raises their hands.  Teacher again to class, "Ok ok, wait wait.  How about just those of you who didn't sign up for pre-algebra."  I raise my hand.  Teacher yells at me for not taking pre-algebra because I was unaware that this was some sort of advanced math class for 6th graders that I was in and not just the ol' randomized math class for everyone even though the counselor made it clear that you should only take pre-algebra if you are really sure that you are ready and I never had any real reason to think that I was ready for an advanced math class so I didn't take pre-algebra and then got yelled at because... Well anyways, you get the idea.  The ol' reversal-o-question-o.

Back to Trivial Pursuit.  If I were to ask a class who doesn't love Trivial Pursuit, everyone would raise their hands except for one misinformed kid in the back.  I would then reversal-o-question-o to pick that one kid out and then inform him of his mistake, reminding him that he should indeed not like Trivial Pursuit.

The word Trivial is in the title and really, that is what the game feels like every time I play.  Now, I've never claimed to be a genius (or in fact do claim it at every second by creating the slogan for this very site), but I would hope that I have at least average to above-average intelligence.  With that said, I find this game impossible.  Perhaps it's because I play on a version from the 70s and when I get Sports I feel like I have an advantage, only to find that I have to know who holds a certain record in the year of 1976 instead of 2006, therefore destroying any real chance I had.

The game mechanics work like this.  A few people who are feeling smart whip out Trivial Pursuit.  For the first few turns, people genuinely try and stick to the rules.  After an hour or eight roll by and one person has a piece of some pie in their weird little circular game piece, people start to give up on the rules.  Instead of having to answer the right category on the right color, people just start taking pieces of pie (seriously, pies?) whenever they get an answer right.  Mercifully, someone eventually gets their whole game piece filled and answers a final question to win the game.  By this time though, three people are already off playing another game with one person left straggling behind forced into reading the questions to the winner because the winner is some arrogant jerk who knew they would win the whole time!

Now for another Bored Game, Chess for Dummies Stratego.  You see, the word strategy is almost in the title, therefore the game takes some to win.  Only in this case, strategy means random luck and playing long enough to realize that the only piece your opponent hasn't moved is surrounded by bombs and high level pieces.

"No!  There is so much strategy because The Spy can take out The Marshal and Miners can take out bombs!"  And Rock crushes Scissors and Scissors cuts Paper and Paper covers Rock but there isn't strategy in that game either.  That's all I have to say about Stratego.  Well, that, and the water is annoying.  Stupid water.

Keeping with the theme of my Bored Game articles I'll finish up with the title game, Risk (or should they change the name to Risko, so it will involve real risks to play?).

Risk is probably the best game ever, because every time you play is like the first time ever.  I love having to reread the rules to a game every single time I play it, because no one ever knows how to play.  You would think such a well known game like Risk would have pretty simple rules to remember, but for some reason no one really remembers how to actually play.  Probably because Risk comes with all these special rules you'd never use which get boggled up into the rules you do use only complicating the game even further.  Have you ever used those special mission cards ever?  I didn't think so.

Much in the spirit of Monopoly, Risk is one of those games where the winner is revealed after an hour or so of game play, yet takes days to finish.  Here is the easy way to tell if you are doing well in Risk.  How many colors are you using?  If you are using only one color and the game has passed the one hour mark, you are probably losing.  On the flip side, if you are already out of infantrymen (because for the love of God you would think that after a game being around 50 years they would create enough of one color so that you can actually control the whole board) and are stealing some from another color, you pretty much have the game won.  Here are some other common signs that you are losing or will lose.

You placed your first piece in Australia, because it is by far the most crucial continent to hold and you must establish a foothold.

You placed your first piece in Asia knowing you get the biggest bonus for that continent so you might as well try to hold it right away.

You placed your pieces far apart so you can have influence all over the world!

You placed your pieces on the table according to territory preference.

You are holding out on laying down your three matching cards so you can get your extra 60 armies next turn to rally back for the win.

You are attempting to make a treaty with another player.

You have made a treaty with another player.

You are breaking a treaty with another player.

Another player is breaking a treaty with you.

Anything with the words "treaty" and "you".

And then there is something with dice and what not, the whole 3 dice vs 2 dice thing and defending and really who cares?  Ok I do, and so do many others, but we still don't know the rules off the top of our heads!

So with that I will end another article in Bored Game Adventures.  Shall I make this series into a trilogy?  Or will I feel like trilogies are over used in the world today and in spite end it here?  Only time will tell my friends.