Poetry

by Brady Lewis

Fuck poetry. Fuck it I say. What the fuck is poetry? Ill tell you: Everything. This article? Poetry. No, don't argue, cause you cant. Face it, you people who like poetry, it is all just a bunch of bullshit.

Now, Id like to point out that poetry does exist. I know it exists because I've read some brilliant poetry in my time. But, that is only about 1% of all that I've ever seen. Therefore approximately 99% of poetry out there blows big fat donkey shlong.

Lets go back to my original point. Everything is poetry. I could tape record my entire day, so that every noise I make is heard, then transfer it onto paper, and BEHOLD! I have just made the most brilliant piece of fucktard ever! It is so asinine how everything is poetry.

Seriously, explain to me how poetry differs from every other piece of writing out there. You cant. Do you know why?
Because of something called "Free Verse". That means that you can write a poem that doesn't rhyme or have any sense of rhythm at all. To me, that is just what someone made up because they couldn't think of something that rhymed with orange.

And then there's the whole deal with the different genres, or "movements" of poetry. Therefore, if I write a poem, and someone either (a) doesn't like it, or (b) claims it isn't poetry, I can just say that it is a new "movement" that focuses on shitty poetry. All of a sudden, its groundbreaking.

"Well," you argue, "music is a kind of poetry. And you like music, so therefore you like poetry." Guess what, hoseboy? Music is MUSIC, not poetry. The lyrics could be classified as poetry. But you know what? Most times I really don't listen to lyrics. If the music itself if good, I like it. In fact, if I could find a good rock band that had no vocals, that would rule. So don't even start that crap with me.

To put it another way, look at this diagram.
 

You see, all poetry is bullshit, and some music lyrics are bullshit, but not all music lyrics are bullshit. I rest my case.

So face the facts. Poetry does indeed suck. Unless you are in the slim few 1% of people who can write, you know, GOOD poetry, don't bother. Its not worth your time or mine.

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