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Your Brand New HDDLSCRTOTCLCDTV
by Brady Lewis

I freely admit that I am not always gushing about new technological advances. 

Cell phones, for example.

There are other devices that bother me as well, such as iPods.  However, the things that anger me the most are these things that have to do with television.  I am speaking, of course, about HDTV, LCDTV, etc etc etc etc etc. 

I don’t understand this.  Perhaps I’m just blind (which, technically, I am without glasses), but I don’t see a difference in picture quality.  Rather, I don’t see a difference that would require an expenditure of as much as these things go for over a regular TV.

I paid about $60 for my Sylvania 16" TV that sits on my dresser.  It is a very nice TV, one that I plan to keep for a long time.  I can very clearly see what happens on the screen.  Hell, the pictures even have multiple colors. 

The average LCDwhatsis will cost about four times what I paid.  Probably more. 

And for WHAT?  What do you get that is so great about these things?  THERE IS HARDLY ANY CHANGE IN QUALITY.  I wasn’t aware that people were having trouble distinguishing actors from giant rocks in the background.  Seriously, are people RETARDED?

I understand that most people have no idea what compelling television is, as evidenced by the latest shitfest hits on the big networks (this is a subject for another time), but COME ON.  Do you really need to see Wentworth Miller’s "piercing" widow’s peak with that much more clarity?  Do you really need to stare that deeply into Dominic Monaghan’s "I DON’T FUCKING SLEEP" eyes? 

Not only is this whole HD and LCD bullshit out of control, but now DVDs aren’t good enough for you people.  The picture quality of DVDs just absolutely blows and is unacceptable.  Now we need Blu-Ray.  Oh man, Blu-Ray will fix all the problems DVDs have.  All the grainy footage will be a thing of the past thanks to Blu-Ray. 

VHS was fine.  I’ll repeat that:  VHS was fine.  There was nothing wrong with VHS that a little tracking adjustment couldn’t fix. 

I can even understand that DVDs were the next step.  I can understand it.  VHS had been around since 1976.  DVD format was released in 1997.  That’s a span of 21 years.  Blu-Ray is out now.  9 years later.

And yet there will be people who will spend the $2,000 for a Blu-Ray player, $50 for a Blu-Ray movie, and $3,000 for the LCDTV to play it on.  Are you one of these people?

Just remember, Laser Discs were the future, too.