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As the Sitcom Turns By: Alex Anderson
The Main Characters:
Alexington Banderson: The main character of the show. He often finds himself in undesirable predicaments because of his busy schedule
Old Guy: This is one of Alexington’s co-workers. He is always commenting on the news and has a knack for putting his foot in his mouth.
Genevieve Cuts: This is Alexington’s girlfriend and roommate.
Super Cool Friend: This is one of Alexington’s friends. He is well known for being egotistical.
Scene 1:
The setting is Alexington’s two-bedroom apartment. The focus is the kitchen where Genevieve is preparing a meal.
Genevieve Cuts
Alexington! Get up it’s time for school.
Alexington enters the room with drool on the side of his chin and his hair matted only on one side.
Alexington Banderson
I’m tired and I don’t want to go to school. School is boring. What’s the point in going to school anyway. I’ll never get good grades with my intense work schedule.
You just need to budget your time better.
Yeah, either that or start performing fellatio on all of my professors.
I don’t understand, my father likes school, why can’t you be more like him.
Of course he does, he’s a professor.
Cue this sound. Click below.
Scene 2:
The setting is Alexington’s first class. It is in a chemistry laboratory.
Chemistry Professor
So if you follow all of the directions in the lab manual it should be relatively straight-forward. If you have any questions you can always ask.
Lab Partner 1 (Male)
Oh man, I am so hung-over. I am really smart, but I might not be too much help this week, because I am so hung-over. Holy hell am I hung-over. By the way did you guys hear that joke about Christ.
At the same time, Lab Partner 2 and Alexington respond:
Lab Partner 2 (Female)
No
Yes
Lab Partner 1
So a guy walks up under Jesus when he is hanging on the cross and this guy is gay too and he like walks up, oh man I think I’m still drunk. But anyway, he walks up and guess what he says.
Good-God you’re well hung!
Oh you did hear it.
Yup.
Well should we get started?
I’d like to get you started.
I’d like to go home.
Scene 3:
Walking in the hall with a friend in a building on campus.
Super Cool Friend
Last night I did 8,000 push-ups with one hand. Tonight, I’m going to do 10,000 and the next day, I’m going for the no-handed push-up.
Yeah, that’s great.
I also am learning a lot about the universe lately. I have discovered the life’s work of Art Bell, David Icke, and Spenca Pandera. Did you like the movie the Matrix?
Not really, I have to meet with one of my professors now.
Okay, I’ll be practicing push-ups.
Super Cool Friend keeps walking while Alexington Banderson stops in front of a door that reads Professor Kolemann next to it. After knocking, he waits... moments later an attractive young female exits.
Were you here to discuss your grade too?
Young Attractive Female
Yeah, I work full-time, so I sort of have to.
Same here. Its rough. Do I stand any chance with him?
Well, if you tell him he’s hung like Jesus it will help you. But with that overbite, you’ll be lucky to get a B.
Scene 4:
Sitting in the break room during lunch. Alexington Banderson is just seating himself across from Old Guy.
Old Guy
Well hello Alexington.
Hey Old Guy, how are you today?
I’d be doing a lot better if it wasn’t for all these Muslims.
Well what do you have against Muslims, Old Guy.
Nothing really. But how can they complain about being stopped at airports. It just seems to me that if they are going to run into our buildings then they should have to be searched for 3 hours at every terminal. Furthermore, they’re crazy to begin with, what do they have like 7 different gods they pray to?
I’m pretty sure that their religion is almost identical to yours. Except “God” is replaced with “Allah” and “Jesus” is replaced with “Mohammed.”
Well let’s change the subject. Did you read Garfield yet today?
Nope.
Well, I don’t have the paper with me, but to give you the gist of it. Jon Arbuckle is still single, much like me. I really do relate to that cartoon. Isn’t life swell.
Sure is Old Guy.
By the way, did you hear what John Kerry said about college students?
Yeah, I thought the comments were sort of skewed out of proportion to make him look like a bad guy.
Well that wouldn’t be too far from the truth. For a war veteran he sure doesn’t know much about the world. I mean, when I look at George Bush I see a good person but when I look at a guy like John Kerry all I see is evil. I mean, have you ever looked at his eyes?
A long pause
Did you hear the joke about Christ?
Curtain falls. Credits roll. Live audience leaves disgusted. Internet users close the window. And all along, the sitcom keeps turning. Round and round it goes…
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