Spaceballs: The Review
by Jason DeShaw

Information:

Introduction:

Written and directed by the legendary Mel Brooks, Spaceballs gives a new meaning to the word "parody".  Although mainly a Star Wars spoof, Spaceballs parody's many things, from Alien to The Wizard of Oz.

Originally released in 1987, this movie has become, dare I say, a classic (at least in my mind).  I mean, how could it not with this all star cast.  John Candy (Barf the Mawg), Rick Moranis (Lord Dark Helmet), Bill Pullman (Lone Starr), Joan Rivers (voice of Dot Matrix), Daphne Zuniga (Princess Vespa), and of course Mel Brooks (President Skroob/Yogurt).

The jokes in this movie seem to be endless.  Even as I watch it today, I keep finding new jokes that I didn't see there before.  And come on, the profanity is off the charts.  How it escaped with only a PG rating I will never know.

Barf, Dot Matrix, Princess Vespa, Lone Starr

Summary:

Planet Spaceball, foolishly squandering their atmosphere, is now faced with the dilemma of finding the air they need to survive.  The Evil President Skroob formulates a plan to steal all the air from their peace loving neighbor, Planet Druidia.  How would they accomplish this you might ask?  Simple.  Send your most trusted man (Dark Helmet) in the biggest fucking ship you got (Spaceball 1)  to kidnap the King of Druidia's daughter (Princess Vespa) and blackmail him into giving you the combination to their atmosphere.  Everybody got that?

Somewhere on the other side of the galaxy, we find two "space bums".  Lone Starr and his co pilot Barf.

"Barf, Puke, Whatever.  Where's my money?"

In comes a transmission from the gangster known as Pizza the Hut, where he has unfairly upped the money owed to him by Lone Starr and Barf too a million spacebucks, by tomorrow.  Shit they're screwed.

But as luck would have it, in comes another transmission, from King Roland himself, King of the Druids.  The King begs for their help in saving his dear daughter, Princess Vespa.  The two are of course reluctant, I mean, its not that they are scared of dying or anything, its just, death isn't their "thing".

"I'll give you anything, you hear me, ANYTHING!"

I bet you can tell where this is going.  Yep, an orgy between a king, a bum, and a mawg.  Actually, they asked for a million spacebucks.  Which the king agrees too.  Yeah, I think that's better for the movie anyways.

So they quick hop to it, rescue the princess, and haul ass out of there.  And so they all lived happily ever after.  The End.

Well, it wasn't quite that easy.  I mean, it was, but that isn't where the movie ended.  Not by a long shot.  Spaceball 1 didn't just let them go, they followed their asses.  Light speed you ask?  No, light speed was too slow.  They went right to... Ludicrous Speed!

"Spaceball 1.  They've gone to plaid."

Once again, another mix up for the Spaceballs.  After foolishly passing them, they had to make an emergency stop.  Colonel Sandurz suggested slowing down first.  Dark Helmet replied "Bullshit!".  He regretted it later.

"It's a good thing you were wearing that helmet"

But the escape was not yet over, for Lone Starr and company used all their fuel in hyper active.  Barf knew they should have put more then $5 in.  So they had to crash land on a strange planet, where they met none other then the great and everlasting know it all.

"Don't make a fuss, I'm just plain Yogurt"

Back on Spaceball 1, the rebels were far out of radar range, yet Colonel Sandurz came up with an ingenious idea to finding them.  They rented a copy of Spaceball: The Movie.  Quickly fast forwarding through the beginning of the movie, they located the 4 on the planet and set out to find them.

Once they arrived on the planet, Dark Helmet sensed the power of the Schwartz.  Then he disguised himself as King Roland, and led the Princess out to him.  Where she was recaptured.  Yeah, its a pass the princess around movie.  Now with the princess in their custody, they were now able to blackmail the King.  They demanded the air shield combination, or they would give the princess back... her old nose!  The King cracked under the pressure, and gave them the combination.  "1,2,3,4,5!  That'd the dumbest combination I've ever heard.  It's like something some asshole would have on his luggage!"  They inform President Skroob that they now have the combination, and he tells them to change the combination on his luggage.

"But wait?  How are they going to get the air out of the atmosphere and transfer it to Planet Spaceball?" you may ask.  You ask a lot of questions and it's starting to annoy me, but, since I'm a nice guy, I'll tell you.

"Mega Maid!"

Yes, Spaceball 1 is a transformer, with a giant vacuum!  Quickly Lone Starr and Barf AGAIN save the princess in a little shoot out and what not.  Now, to stop Mega Maid.  Lone Starr uses the power of the Schwartz to reverse the vacuum and send all the air back onto the planet.  They then fly into Mega Maid, to hit the self destruct.  This is where the final showdown between Lone Starr and Dark Helmet take place.

"I see your Schwartz is as big as mine.  Now lets see how you can handle it."

And so the two duel.  Eventually Lone Starr reflects a laser shot to the balls into Helmets balls, which causes him to fly into the self destruct button.  There is a big long sequence then finally they escape and mega maid is destroyed.

Sadly, they must return Princess Vespa to marry the last prince in the galaxy, Prince Valium.  So Lone Starr and Barf fly off into the night, not even taking their million spacebucks cause they are nice guys like that (and Pizza the Hut ate himself, but still).  Later, Barf is hungry, but all they have is a fortune cookie given to them by Yogurt earlier in the movie.  As Barf opens it, there is a sparkly light, and an image of Yogurt with a fortune for Lone Starr.

"Your father was a King, your mother was a Queen, which makes you a certified Prince."

Hearing this news, the two quickly fly back to Planet Druidia, interrupt the wedding like jerks (poor minister) and then there is a big kiss between Lone Starr and Princess Vespa.  And that my friend is the movie.

Seriously, this was a very brief summary of the movie, and I highly recommend watching it for yourself if you haven't yet, or watch it again if you have.

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