Halo 2 has been out for a little over two weeks now, and I feel that I can sufficiently review it for the masses (i.e. you).  Here is what I think of this money-making machine.

First things first:  I am a GoldenEye player.  I do not play other first-person shooters very often.  In that same vein, I have not played much of the original Halo.  I fully believe that GoldenEye is the best FPS ever.  So, as you can imagine, I have some problems playing Halo 2, as I try to play it like I'm playing GoldenEye.  I've been fighting my instincts the whole time I play Halo 2, so I suck at it.  However, I will not allow this to affect my review. 

I can sum up the campaign mode in Halo 2 in one word:  fard (that’s "fucking hard" for you non-word-combining people out there).  Sure, in easy mode it’s just that:  easy.  However, anything past that is just nuts.  Now, the obvious response from you messageboard-types is "Get better at the game."  Fuck you.  I've talked to people who can breeze through the original Halo, and they think it's hard.  Whether you wish to admit it or not, it is hard. 

The main reason it is hard is because you run out of ammo every five seconds.  Sure, if you can stay alive, you have no problem.  However, if you die once, you are stuck with the SMG, the shittiest gun in the game.  This gun wastes ammo like nothing.  Plus, it has the most inaccurate aim of any gun.  Allow me to elaborate:  while shooting the SMG, the gun has recoil.  Recoil is "simulated" by having your aim (as in, where you are shooting) go up.  Your view of the field moves as if you are moving the joystick up.  That is recoil.  So, if you die once, it takes an insane amount of spawns to clear portions of levels. 

Other people have said that the story of the game is dumb, and left them at a cliffhanger that they hated.  Quite frankly, I couldn't tell you either way.  I get so frustrated with campaign mode that I haven't gotten more than four levels in.  However, I have gotten about halfway through in two-player mode, so perhaps I'll finish it that way.

However, when it comes to multiplayer, this game is quite good.  It has its faults (which I will undoubtedly get into), but even with them you will still have fun (most of the time).  For the most part, the weapons are all very balanced, with each having advantages and disadvantages.  That means that no matter what weapon you have, you at least have some chance in a fight.  The dual wield feature is also interesting, as it makes you choose either two weapons or a weapon and the ability to throw grenades.  Some interesting combinations can come up because of this.  Only the lighter weapons can be dual-wielded, but that is when they are dangerous.

Multiplayer has one big thing that pisses me off though.  That is vehicle combat.  This was supposed to be one of the large additions to the game, and it was, but they made them way too powerful.  The only ways to get someone out of a vehicle is with a rocket launcher (which thankfully has a "lock-on" mode) or to stick a plasma grenade to it.  Sure, you can use the new feature to steal the vehicle from other players, but that is next to impossible.  You can only realistically do it to tanks, as they move slow enough to catch.  The others are either too fast or CAN FLY. 

Vehicles also never run out of ammo.  Therefore, if you die, you will die many times in a row.  This is because the opponent can just zip around the map, holding the fire button down, and kill you before you can get the rocket launcher or grenades.  Plus, most of the vehicles are small enough that they can fit into any hiding places.  A good example is the Banshee (the flying vehicle).  I was killed eight straight times by that damn thing, so instead of trying to find the right weapons, I went and hid in a cave so that my opponent would have to abandon his flier and come get me normally.  But no, the damn thing flew all the way into the cave and killed me.  That shouldn't happen. 

However, vehicles can be turned off.  In fact, just about everything about a multiplayer game can be changed.  You can turn weapons on and off, vehicles on and off, and much more.  There are also enough variants to play with that you should never have a problem with getting bored. 

The maps are also absolutely perfect.  There are small ones, medium ones, large ones, and all in between.  However many players you have, there is a map to fit.  Also, each map is so different.  There are no repeats on any map.  Very well done.

On to the non-gameplay-related issues.  Graphics are top notch, as expected.  I'm not a big stickler when it comes to graphics, as evidenced by my love of Fire Pro Wrestling.  So when a game has graphics like this and plays relatively well, I'm a happy man.  Gameplay should come first, and that is very apparent in this game, and the awesome graphics are the bonus.

I must buy the soundtrack for Halo 2.  The music is just. . . incredible.  We're talking Final Fantasy VII good here, people.  Just wow.  I shouldn't have to say anything else about this. 

I cannot comment on the online features, as I don't play online.  I've heard very good things from reliable sources, so this will get a good grade from me.

Overall, on a grading scale (you know, out of 100%), I give this game a 70%.  I give it this score because of the fact that single player mode is absolutely impossible, vehicles are way too powerful, and the SMG is the worst weapon since McDonalds.  While I love the other features, I just can't in good conscience give this game more than a low C with those things going against it. 

 Do I recommend it?  I do if you either plan to play online a lot, or if you have a few friends who also plan to buy it.  Don't buy it to play single player.  You will regret it.

StretPharmacist is a lot like the Undertaker:  A gimmick that should have never gotten over, but was taken to unbelievable heights.  Also, he is constantly injured.