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Life in the Upper Midwest

It's Official:  We're all Goddamn Hicks (Part I)

These are my people.

As someone who enjoys living in the Upper Midwest, I find it difficult to deal with what some people here try to make into "controversies."  It is one part humorous, one part mind blowing, and all part stupid.  While we try to appear somewhat "with the times," I fear we are showing just how incredibly backwoods we are. 

Let us take a small gander at the first of three recent news items that got/get more coverage than they should. 

Earlier this year, over the course of two days, two men were struck and killed by trains here in Fargo.  These were separate incidents, in different areas.  The only thing connecting them is that both men were drunk as hell and stumbled into the path of a train. 

My train of thought (see what I did there?) would lead me to think about the drinking epidemic that seemingly is sweeping this area, and has been for quite some time.  I mean, entertainment is limited here.  You either a) scrounge for something to do, b) make your own fun, or c) drink yourself down.  I would think that we should address this area a bit.  Perhaps entice some new entertainment facilities to open up.

Instead, what do we debate? 

Maybe we should put up walls around the train tracks so this doesn’t happen.

Think about that statement.  Really think. 

No, I’m dead serious.

Let us put up MILES AND MILES OF FUCKING WALLS TO PREVENT DRUNK MORONS FROM GETTING HIT BY TRAINS.

Now let’s put up walls so drunk morons can’t fall into the Red River, like that idiot college kid last year.  Oh, and walls around the streets so they can’t get hit by cars.  Maybe some walls need to be put over windows in places higher than street level so drunks can’t fall out of them. 

I have NO SYMPATHY for someone who gets so drunk they get hit by A FUCKING TRAIN.  Do you realize how hard it is to get hit by a train?  You almost have to be TRYING.  Unless Snidely Whiplash is involved, avoiding trains isn’t a problem. 

I especially love how people say things to try and justify it.  The one that I love is that the one intersection with the railroad tracks is "a blind intersection, you couldn’t see a train coming."  Now, I personally have never had a problem seeing a train coming.  I could almost understand if you were talking about it being a "blind intersection" if you were in a car, and there WEREN’T GATES AND FLASHING LIGHTS GOING OFF.  However, if you are walking along a railroad track and (1) don’t see the train, (2) don’t see the flashing lights, (3) don’t hear the warning bells, (4) don’t hear the train whistle, or (5) don’t hear THE TRAIN ENGINE ITSELF, you probably deserve your fate. 

I can’t wait until the next legislative session.