:: Events ::

Life in the Upper Midwest

Chapter One:  The Call

An interesting past few days, these.

It started off just like any other week.  I wake up from my alarm clock blaring ESPN radio as loud as it can and put my glasses on. 

"For those of you just joining us, some horrific news out of Minnesota.  A meteor has struck the Minnesota Vikings’ practice facility.  There is nothing left but a large crater.  The loss of life is staggering, and the death toll keeps climbing as new reports are coming in.  As of the last report, all members of the Vikings have been killed in the blast, in addition to training staff, many media members, and even owner Zygi Wilf and his entire family.  This doesn’t even begin to take into account the deaths from nearby buildings.  It seems that the only survivors from the team are the coaching staff, who were all on the same bus stuck in traffic."

I jump in the shower to get ready for work.  The radio is still on, as I must know all the details.

"NASA has no explanation as to why no one saw this meteor coming.  It just came out of nowhere and they are still investigating how it never showed up on imaging days, weeks, or even months before this tragedy. 

"Now, as we’ve been saying over the past few hours, our condolences go out to all affected by this nightmare of a situation.  However, I’m going to change the subject slightly.  I almost hate to bring this up, as this should be a day of mourning, but as a sports journalist, I feel I must.

"What is the NFL going to do?  The preseason starts in 2 weeks.  A division is missing a team, 16 games will be lost.  I can’t even imagine what they will do about this.  Will some teams just have an extra bye week?  Perhaps---"

I shut off the radio and get moving.  I’m going to be late as it is.

*    *    *

Two days pass.  This catastrophe is covered non-stop, as one would expect. 

I’m sitting around after work, watching ESPN and eating dinner, as I am wont to do. 

"NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell announced earlier today that he was in talks to create a new franchise to replace the Minnesota Vikings for this season.  He wouldn’t say who this new prospective owner was, but from what our sources know, it appears that this team would be located in, get this, Fargo, North Dakota, of all places.  The city has been building a new stadium for their college football program, which would then also be usable by this new franchise. 

"This just in.  It is confirmed.  Fargo, North Dakota has received this new franchise from the NFL.  We still have no word on who the owner is yet, but the league and this new team are now frantically scrambling to get a GM, coaching staff, and players."

"That’s right, Chris.  I wouldn’t want to be the GM there right now, with only about twelve days until the preseason starts.  That would be quite a feat to get a team together in that amount of time."

Yeah, thinks I, I wonder who they’ll rope into running this exciting new fiasco that Fargo has gotten itself into.

That’s when my phone rang.

*    *    *

Only in a town such as Fargo could this happen.

If the NFL really understood what and who they had gotten involved with, this could never have happened.

My thanks to incompetence, I suppose.

The meeting at which I was appointed General Manager/Head Coach/Creative Director for this new Fargo NFL team was something that big city folk may not think possible.  If Mr. Goodell was there, the whole deal would have been nixed.

So I meet with the new ownership group.  I happen to know quite a few members of this group either personally or through my father.  A few I have not met, and am introduced.

I am then told the story of how it came to be that Fargo got this team.  It turns out that the majority team owner knows Mr. Goodell personally.  They went to college together.  They were actually having dinner the day after the meteor hit, and Goodell was distraught over what to do for the upcoming season.  Well, my new boss jokingly says that he could give Fargo a team.  They share a good laugh, but then Roger takes this suggestion another step further.  He wants to know if his college buddy could put something together fast enough.  If he can, he’ll make it happen.

It seems that Roger Goodell had a brainstorm.  In an attempt to reach out to smaller cities, he wants to create a team in the heartland in a smaller city in order to draw appeal from that kind of crowd.  In essence, what he thinks he can do is create another Green Bay.  Not an unworthy endeavor.

Well, this ownership group was put together fast enough.  This kind of investment only comes along once in a lifetime.  However, all these men confessed to not knowing much about football, other than that it is a giant moneymaker.  Mr. Goodell wanted them to hire someone qualified to run the team. 

Now, so far, while this all seems far-fetched in the first place, at least it makes sense.  Now, why am I in complete control of this team?

The majority owner didn’t know anyone qualified.  He was panicking, as were the rest of them.  They needed someone, anyone, and Roger needed an answer now.  In his panic, my new boss brought up my name, because he knew that I am "good at fantasy football."  He and the other owners who knew me began to talk up my non-existent resume.  I can coach the team, I can oversee the media and design.  It was a bluff, and they knew it, but Roger bit. 

They needed me to take this job to bail them out.  My main concern is that I am not even remotely qualified for this.  They say that they will support me 100% in this, and give me all the resources I want and need to make this work.

I say that they are asking me put together a team in eleven days, something that the best GMs in the world would have trouble completing.  In addition, they want me to coach and oversee media.  Why would I want this kind of workload?

"We’ll pay you $4 million per year."

And that is how I got to where I am as of two hours ago. 

I better start making some phone calls.

*    *    *

Welcome to my Madden 2008 Franchise. 

I’ve been toying with the idea of doing a franchise story for a while now.  I didn’t want to just pick a bad team and start though.  I mean, where’s the story there?

Here are the rules.  I create a team in Fargo, have them replace the Minnesota Vikings, and make them a "cupcake" team, in that the players generated are incredibly bad.  What is a GM to do?  Find out and see.  

I will be playing 10 minute quarters, accelerated clock, on All Madden difficulty. 

Next time:  Brady looks over his team.  Also:  Press Conference!

Chapter Two:  Meet the Press >>